2022 - Glenn and Judy History - Week 6

1978 and 1979

Angela on some excursion into the hills.

Christmas day 1978.

51 Jan Hofmeyr Avenue, Florida Park.

Fun on the new water slide...

Tim, Shirley, Nicky, Jenni and 20 month old David,

Glenn and I, with Douglas, Angela, Dianne and three week old Gillian

joined my parents, and siblings Jane and Ronald to open presents 

before Tim and Shirley going on to Shirley's family 

and us going on to Glenn's family for Christmas dinner.

My brother Leslie was 

in Namibia on a university field trip...

Dianne, Glenn with David facing the camera in front of him,

Nicky, Angela and Douglas.

This is probably the last photograph of David.

In the Christmas fun, someone left the swimming pool gate open.

When Tim and Shirley were gathering the children to leave,

Shirley said "Where's David?"

After a search for him Shirley found him at the bottom of the swimming pool.

She jumped in and lifted him up, and brought him to the steps.

I had recently done a first aid course so I started mouth to mouth resuscitation.

By that time other family members had gathered.

They helped carry limp David to the car, while I continued resuscitating.

Tim had taken the girls to the car in the driveway.

Hearing a commotion, he left the girls and met us at the garage side gate.

We raced straight to the Discoverer's hospital.

Little David was taken to an emergency room for examination and treatment.

He was declared dead.

Our family photograph early 1979

when Leslie had returned from his University excursion into the desert.

Greatly mixed emotions a few weeks later when we gathered 

back at my parent's home to take annual family photographs

after a funeral of little David and much heart wrenching grieving

which continues... to a greater or lesser degree for each of us.

 Back:  Leslie, Glenn with Gillian, Ronald, Tim, Ken,

Middle: Douglas, Jane with Dianne, me, Shirley with Jenni, Philippa,

Front: Nicky and Angela.

I wonder how we could raise a smile for the photographs...

We were all deeply and agonizingly anguished and shocked...

And... life changed, for all of us, still is changed - forever...

We are very conscious of the risk of leaving a swimming pool gate open.

We all are especially attentive of where our young children are...

What Do I Appreciate About My Parents/Ancestors?

A little I know and share about my ancestors...

I appreciate that they did the best they could.

I know some stories about them.

I'm grateful to my parents, Kenneth and Philippa, for telling me what they knew about them. 

I'm grateful too to seldom seen uncles and aunts for sharing family stories.

My Mother's mother, Ethel, the grandmother I knew, was a stoic figure.

She lived in Cape Town.  I saw her infrequently.

She died when I was 16.

My mother's father, Richard, died when she was 7.

She and her three older sisters, Dorothy, Marjorie and Ruth, were raised by their widowed mother.

My father's father, Kenneth, died when he was 11.

His mother, Winifred, died when he was 17.

His two older sisters, Pixie and Betty, left school to support him so that he could finish school.

When my Dad was 17 the second World War broke out.

His eldest sister Pixie's either boyfriend or husband by that time, Uncle Paul, mentored him into joining the South African Navy. 

My parents married in 1943, during the war.

I was born in  Cape Town in 1945, at the end of the Second World War.

I am the eldest of their five children.

A little about my parents...

My father and mother also did the best they could...

I knew they loved me.

My Dad enjoyed a successful career in the motor industry and then moved into administration leadership in the newly established Church offices in South Africa.

I loved my Dad.

He was able to communicate with me in ways that were meaningful to me.

Three valuable things I learn from him: dutifulness, excellence and enjoying our country.

My mother was a crusading stay-at-home Mom.

She was an active member of the communities we lived in.

My Mom and I saw many things differently.

Three valuable things I learnt from her: loyalty, patriotism and the complexities of right and wrong.

And - What legacy am I building every day?

Oh my...

I don't know...

I know what I hope I am building.

I hope my husband knows I love him and I try to be a help meet for him.

I hope my children know that I love them enough to loosen the apron strings.  

I love them unconditionally - though I might not like all the decisions they make.

I hope they know I look for the good in them.

I hope they know I respect them and cheer them on.

And I respect their agency to live their lives as they choose.

I hope they know I did the best I could when I was raising them.

I hope they know I enjoy my every-day life, and when it's hard, that I find something to enjoy every day.

I hope they know that I'm still doing the best I can.

I hope my grandchildren and great-grandchildren also know these things about me.

I hope this is a legacy they find useful to them as they proceed with their lives.

And - What do you appreciate about your parents and ancestors?

What legacy are you building every day?

Who Do I Really Care About?

Sunday Afternoon May 24^th 2020

And... How can I show them I really care about them?

As I thought about the ones I care about, and love, the poem of Elizabeth Barrett Browning (below) about her love for her husband came to my mind.

I thought about what my love for "mine" is to me…

I realise I loved “mine” before they came.

I prepared my heart and my life to receive them.

And… When each of them came into my life, I realised love is much more complex than “loving them.”

This is what I'm learning about loving...

Love takes time.

Love takes intelligent thought.

Love is intentional.

Love is daily.

Love is sometimes messy.

Love is sacrificing presently for future envisioned personal and relationship gains.

Love is patient with oneself and the “other.”

Love is making space and time for an “other.”

Love is accepting after learning that the “other” is “other.”

Love is learning about an “other.”

Love is allowing another to be “other.”

Love is learning how to “get used to each other.” Gordon B Hinckley

Love is giving of oneself to another.

Love is giving wisely.

Love is learning what you need to learn to love this person.

Love is knowing you can leave, but choosing to stay.

Love is making plans for leaving, and staying in hope for better times.

Love is knowing when you need to leave, or disengage – for now.

Love is thoughtful and considerate.

Love is learning about things you never imagined or dreamt about.

Love is knowing there is a dark side… and choosing to focus on the light side.

Love is allowing the “other” to choose their life and what they’ll be.

Love is remembering who you are, and discovering more and more who “they” are.

Love is sometimes not liking, but loving enough to continue in hope for more mutual respect.

Love is about growing, maturing, trusting, growing up.

Love is sometimes suffering pain so deep it is unspeakable.

Love is being personally safe whilst in a sometimes hostile situation.

Love is letting go of expectations, norms and imaginations that seemed so important.

Love is insisting on a certain level of civility and safety.
Love is knowing when and how to keep silent.
Love is knowing when and how to speak.

Love is knowing what you deserve, though you might not get it – at present.

Love is being true to yourself, who you really are.

Love is knowing that sometimes sacrifice precedes rewards.

Love is “casting your bread upon the waters.”

Love is a grand adventure.

Love is a hero’s journey.

Love never gives up.

I’ll add to this as I become aware of more that I want to say in this regard.

And – how do I show those I care about and love that I care about and love them?

As well as I know how to.

As honestly as I know how.

And I keep on learning about how to show, with integrity, those I care about, that I care about them!

By wisely being myself with them.

By safely allowing them to be themselves with me.

By patiently persevering with them.

By building on the good between us.

By searching for, and finding, what is lovable in them.

By noticing what is precious and rare about each of them.

By nurturing the unique, special and irreplaceable in them.

By cultivating the positive regard I have for them.

By being respectful of each of them.

By investing my time, talent and means in our relationship.

By being thoughtful and considerate of them.

By keeping contact with them.

By sharing with them what I think might be good, true and useful to them.

By enjoying what they share with me.
By having fun with them.

By being grateful to count them as among “mine.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day’s

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

What Helps Me Be Strong?

Sunday Afternoon – May 3^rd 2020 

I was called as the Discovery Ward Relief Society President last Sunday.  
It’s been a week of getting to know what’s changed in Relief Society administration, and finding out about many of our Sisters that I don’t know yet, choosing counsellors and a secretary, proposing them, and making contact with them – two of whom I do not know yet.  
I realized today that if I walked past them in the street, I would not know them.  Sobering…!  
A brave new chapter…  And on we go.  
How will we make meetings happen?  
How will we conduct our business in these circumstances…? 
We’ll find our way…

I’ve always wanted to attend “BYU Women’s Conference.”  
Because of Covid 19 affecting the whole world, this year BYU Women’s Conference was a digital event.  
I got to spend about six hours on Saturday watching the Conference.  
What a spiritual feast!  
I look forward to sharing some of parts of the sessions with those who might be interested as time allows.

We are now on Stage 4 of lock-down.  
I’m not sure what has changed – except that we are all required to wear cloth or other effective face masks when we are out and about for essential shopping and visits to doctors and other essential journeys.  
I’ll find out on a need-to-know basis, or I’ll hear over the radio or internet.  
What a wonderful day to live in!  I’m glad to live now.

This week’s question…  Who helps me be stronger when I need to be?  In what way?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that…

My Heavenly Father helps me be strong when I need to be.

I know I’m His Daughter.   

I’ve made covenants with Him.  I want to keep them. 

I am a Disciple of Jesus Christ.  He helps me be stronger when I need to be.

The more I learn about Him, the more I want to be His Disciple – want to follow Him.

These pictures help me remember to be strong:

  

Prophets, Apostles and those that speak in General Conference help me to be strong.

So have those who have articles printed in the Church magazines.

They help me see what I otherwise might not see.

My husband helps me be stronger when I need to be. 

I have learnt some “street smarts” and to be more realistic, down to earth, from him. 

I’ve learnt lots about how many in the world think, speak and behave from him and his family.

It’s been a truly useful education.

I’m bolder than I would otherwise have been able to be.

My children have helped me be stronger when I’ve needed to be.

I’ve gained insights and experience from these four very different and dearly beloved human beings.

FAMSA and LifeLine have helped me be stronger when I need to be.

I’ve gained deeply valuable information and experience working for them/ with them.

I’ve learnt how to manage, living in this world, speaking in terms they might better understand.

My Tai Chi group helps me be physically stronger than I might otherwise be.

My WeighLess group and leader also motivates me to be strong and helps me manage my weight as well as supportive and encouraging tips like these almost every day.

My beloved family and friends are truly valuable to me. 

Although I don’t see or hear from them often, I know they are there.

They give me honest feed-back.  That’s precious to me.

Now my Relief Society presidency Sisters will also help me be strong when I need to be.

Also my Relief Society Sisters have been a source of valuable learning, a refuge and strength to me through many years.  I’ve learnt a lot, about a lot, from and with them.

I’m reading Paul’s letters in the New Testament at the moment.  He helps me be stronger. 

So does Abraham in the Old Testament, and Jacob, son of Lehi, in the Book of Mormon.

Actually, there are many people I know, and many I don’t personally know, that help me be strong when I need to be.  
Joyce Meyer’s ten or so minutes in the morning on Radio Pulpit has been a great blessing in my life.
Bongi Gwala on SAFM.  
Oh… too many wise ones over these many, many years to remember and mention…  
I’m grateful for those who have lived great lives and accomplished many types of great deeds and shared their experiences.

I just hope I can be strong for my whole life. 

I also know that though I am weak I am strong. 

I also know that my weaknesses can be turned into my strengths.

I’m grateful for those from whom I’ve been able to borrow strength in my years leading to now.
Among them the police, lawyers, doctors, homeopaths, physicians, financial advisors, Bishops, supervisors, professors and others.

What makes me stronger from them all?

I’ve learnt how I want to be, and how I don’t want to be. 

I’ve learnt to be a better woman, wife and mother, in-law, grandmother and great-grandmother.  
I’ve gained vocabulary, and increased comprehension of so much, and increased integrity and maturity!  

I’ve learnt to love more, be more compassionate, patient, understanding, grateful, balanced, imperturbable, confident, genuine, peaceful, temperate, open, happy and cooperative than I used to be able to be. 

I’ve learnt to mind my own business more. 

I’ve learnt to let other people take care of their own business more. 

I’ve learnt to be healthier than I used to be able to be. 

I’ve learnt to enjoy my every-day life more than I used to be able to. 

I’ve learnt what is fun for me.

I’ve learnt to respect myself and others more. 

I’ve learnt to be a better home-maker and property-owner than I used to be able to be.

I’ve learnt to be a better citizen than I used to be able to be.

I love that, imperfect though each one of us is, we can learn, live and, love together. 

I love that I’ve learnt to set reasonable limits for myself and others too.

I’m glad I learnt about

Firm, Fair and Friendly;

Guide, Protect and Bless;

Verbal, Vocal and Visual;

Submissive, Aggressive and Assertive;

Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim;

Problem-solving, Appropriate and Flexible;

Green, Yellow and Red;

Correlate, Reduce and Simplify.

And many more!!!

What a journey I’m on! 

I’m glad I’m making it. 

I’m learning to be myself. 

I’m glad to be who and where I am at the moment.

I’m glad to get to know each of you better too. 

Onward, ever onward… Stronger, ever stronger… Always sufficient for our needs.

Carry on carry on, carry on – as long as I am able and well as I’m able… mind, body and spirit.

This from off my fridge...