What Changes Do I Need To Make?

Sunday Afternoon – April 26^th 2020 

Hilmar, you say “What a day…”  For us it’s been “What a week…”  

And, it’s been a good week!

Kayla’s birthday celebration last Sunday – lunch and afternoon/evening together at Doug and Nadia’s, we had Doug and Nadia, Ethan Daena and Cabryn here for supper on Tuesday; Ethan’s supper and opening of his mission call to Cape Town mission on Thursday at Doug and Nadia’s;

  

Doug and Nadia’s 21^st wedding anniversary, combined with Nadia’s grandmother’s 86^th birthday celebration supper here on Friday evening. 12 of us wandering there and here to rejoice and celebrate together… (Doug, Nadia, Ethan, Daena, Cabryn; Travis, Kayla; Nadia's mother Erene, Erene's mother Miriam (or Marion to some) and Erene's daughter Roisin; and Glenn and me.)

Along the way we updated ourselves with the current Corona Virus national information, and accomplished more property maintenance and development:  Glenn replaced a toilet washer, and another toilet fitting, took out our old shower in the other part of the house, cleaned it and replaced the shower – it was leaking.  I did more gardening and sorting, particularly in our outside storeroom.  Satisfying, I must say.

Monday – (Freedom Day)

And, here we are into the new week…

 It’s a public holiday here – not that it makes any difference...  J 

Not much change in our routines, just different programming on the radio programmes.

And now – on to the question to consider for the week…

What changes do I need to make?  Why do I need to make them?

I’m one of those who is making changes all the time as I realise I’m “off track.”

(Off the track I decide I want to travel on.) 

I wonder where I learnt that?

I think perhaps it grew into my consciousness?

I remember feeling at one point “Oh!  I’ve let my standard slip…”

And – “This doesn’t feel nice for me… What needs to be done?”

Also – “Oh!  Am I supposed to influence, if I can…?!”

And – “My children don’t take me seriously because I do not get angry…”

“I don’t like the way I sounded – to myself!  No matter how I sounded to him/her…”

“Oh Judy – that was a low blow… What on earth were you thinking when you said that?!”

“I acknowledge you have the right to behave and speak the way you choose…

however… you’ll lose me if you don’t find your ways to govern yourself better…”

“I claim the privilege of worshiping according to the dictates of my own conscience.”

“You also have that privilege to worship, or not, who, how, where and what you may.”

“I didn’t sign up for this…”

“This is more than I know how to deal with… who can help me?”

“Firm, fair and friendly… that who I am.  How can we live this together...?”

“I am a wonderful, worthy woman of God.  I deserve to be loved and appreciated…

I am worthy.  I am loved and appreciated… by many others.”

“I am your mother… you are my teenage child… 

I will behave in an adult manner no matter how you react and behave.”

“I choose my life and how I’ll be (within the bounds that I can’t change.
Or the changes I'm  not going to make.  You can pull out you want to, I'm not going to.)”

Of course… I was not always successful in the face of the voices and actions of accusation, opposition, provocation, and immaturity from within me to myself and others,

and from those outside of and around me.  

I could not be more mature than I was able to be. 

Neither were those around me able to be more mature than they were able to be.

None of us can know what we don’t know yet, or be mature than we can be at any given time.

Hopefully we’re all growing, striving, growing up.

Somehow or other I did not give up on those important to me, and they did not give up on me…

We learnt to respect ourselves and each other in increasing degrees I think?

I guess we learnt, and are still learning, to live, love, learn, set and keep rational and civil limits.

Hopefully there is some sort of worthwhile legacy of what we want to pass down to our future generations and what we want to let go of and not pass down.

And that “worthwhile or worthless legacy” does not depend only on what I, and we, decide.

I hope I keep on changing in ways that make me a better person and easier to live with.

What changes do you still need to make, and why?

I love you!

Mom / Judy / Gran Judy etc

Hymn (Number 240) made an impression on me when I was a child.

It continues to be deeply meaningful to me.

(I hope it is included in the new hymnbook currently being compiled…)

Know this, that ev’ry soul is free

To choose his life and what he’ll be;

   For this eternal truth is giv’n:

   That God will force no man to heav’n.

He’ll call, persuade, direct aright,

And bless with wisdom, love, and light,

   In nameless ways be good and kind,

   But never force the human mind.

Freedom and reason make us men;

Take these away, what are we then?

   Mere animals, and just as well

   The beasts may think of heav’n or hell.

May we no more our pow’rs abuse,

But ways of truth and goodness choose;

   Our God is pleased when we improve

   His grace and seek his perfect love.

Who/What Do I Really Love?

Monday afternoon April 20th 2020

Who/what do I really love?  In what ways is this good for me/not good for me? 

Last week was the week I made some cloth masks.

I hauled down plastic crates of fabrics gathered from projects and stored.

Short-sleeved shirts bought from the shop for Glenn are too short in the sleeves.

What I’ve done is buy long sleeved shirts and cut them to ‘longer short’ sleeves.

So – I had a bunch of sleeve cut-offs as well as loads of other fabrics.

The sleeves did for the outer layers of three masks, the other fabrics for the other layers.

I felt like using the striped cut off of one of my T shirts for the fourth mask.

I fiddled around with a pattern from the internet.

And in the end I made it my own to make it more comfortable.

So – here are my four masks.

I might make some more – I learnt from mine, and seeing the ones Dianne made…

And then it was on to thinking about our 71^st and 75^th birthday and also 50^th wedding anniversary - all on the same day…

Doug came and asked what we’d like to mark the occasion.

He offered for his family to make dinner for us.

That felt lovely!  I gratefully accepted.

Later I thought… I know what would be meaningful to me!

If his children (more technologically adept than I) would digitize my photograph albums…

He discussed it with them and they agreed.

Sigh of relief…

We enjoyed a lovely evening with them – roast dinner at Glenn’s request,

and vanilla cake with chocolate icing for me and melktert for Glenn for desert!

At a later time we’ll take off for a weekend somewhere…

And now to the question for the week:

Who/What do I really love? 

In what ways is this good for me/not good for me?

Well – I really love living my life. 

Isn’t this little lizard just exquisite?

And I paused a couple of times this week to enjoy a beautifully marked large moth and another time a smaller but still magnificent little moth.

I am amazed at the gorgeous detail in a flower.

Yesterday I sat and watched a couple of birds bouncing on the stems of the geranium outside the spare room window.

I love the sound of the wind swishing through the pine needles in the park opposite us.

I love the taste and texture of my breakfast fruit and vegetable smoothie each morning.

I love the feel of the cotton sheets on our bed.

I love living and learning.

A long time ago – it seems – I decided on ten priorities for me to concentrate on each day.  I wrote them out and stuck them in the lid of the plastic box that contains my makeup I apply every day.

 Each day I remind myself of what is important to me.  If/When I want to I will change my list.

“Do my best – most of the time” is really, really honest.  Sometimes I just do not want to do my best. I am ornery.  That signals to me that it’s time for me to take some “Time Out.”  Sometimes ‘sufficient’ is good enough, my ‘best’ is not necessary.  I try for enough for each “thing” I need to participate in, not too little and not too much.  I like the phrase “sufficient for my (these) needs.”

And – I have long wanted to become a woman of faith and commitment, wisdom and courage.

When I go to bed at night I want to have few regrets.

And, when I depart this life, I want to be glad to go and report rather than look back with regrets.

In what ways is this list and my daily life good for me?

It keeps me from being too distracted by all the fascinating and interesting things and people that happen upon my daily path.

Concentrating on my list of ten helps me have time to meander, wander and wonder, read something uplifting and learn something every day.  I enjoy my days because they don’t get too crowded.

In what ways might my priorities and my daily life not be good for me?

I might miss someone or something critically important for me to attend to… 

I hope not too blinkered to miss who or what is vital for me to see, hear, be a part of…

To each of us our own priorities…

Who/What do you really love?  In what ways is this good for you/not good for you?

Love

Mom / Judy / Gran Judy etc

Sunday Afternoon - January 19th 2020 - My Search Continues...

My Daily Search for … Continues…

What am I searching for…?

When I was a new family and marriage counsellor I had a young client.

She came out to South Africa from Holland? Germany? and found herself

in a complex situation she could hardly have imagined.

She looked at me earnestly and said “All I want is a nice quiet life…”

We worked together to deal with her newly realised reality.

I’ve pondered her words lots in the intervening 30+ years.

“Yes.  That’s what I want too.” I remember thinking at the time.

“ And now I have the words to express my deepest desire.  Thank you!”

In some respects my life is not what others would call “quiet…”

What then does “quiet” mean to me?

Sufficient harmony within myself and with those I live and work with.

And I have that most times these days...

I conserve and nurture my goodwill with myself and with particularly these others. 

I create the peacefulness I need, within myself, and around me every day.

I heard someone talk recently about important “holy habits” and “righteous routines.”

I have developed what works for me and gives me pleasure.

Tai Chi every week is important to me.

It helps me be physically and mentally more peaceful.

I found my Tai Chi group I used to belong to at the Botanic Gardens this week!

They meet an hour earlier!

That’s why I have missed them since we got home!

Happy Day!

Steve, one of the leaders, said “I can see you did Tai Chi while you were in KZN…”

Indeed, I did, every week.  Sometimes on the beach, sometimes in the garden,

sometimes in our apartment, sometimes on our West balcony.

One of my righteous routines…

The group has progressed to level 4.  I am well-schooled in levels 1 and 2.

On Tuesday I was delightfully clumsy in the next two levels!

I giggled and giggled as I tried my best to follow.

As you know I have difficult with my left and my right.

So when Lynda said “drop your left hand and circle your right” it was

a significant mental feat for me to follow her…

There’s a child-likeness to not knowing that is very blissful for me.

Another righteous routine is a bath in the afternoon.

It helps me physically and gives me a good soak.  “Relax.  Unwind.  Soak.”

Oh yeah…!  Thank you Dianne for “Relax. Unwind!”

She has those words on her bathroom wall.

What are you searching for, reaching for?

How’s your search going?

Some searches take a life-time… and beyond…

“A happy life must be, to a great extent, a quiet life – for it is only in

an atmosphere of quiet that true joy can live.”

Bertrand Russell said in “Boredom and Excitement” –

(Reader’s Digest – How To Live With Life, p 219 “Slow Down - and Live.”

May we all prosper in the deepest meanings of the word this 2020.

Love

Mom / Judy

Yep... it was chilly enough - in January! to wear a cardigan on Sunday.

PS We began functioning as Young Single Adult advisors…

A Whole New Learning Curve for Us!

Working together… that is a new one…

We’re good at parallel work… Now we’ll get to working on companion work…

Here’s hoping… 

I liked these companion sculptures at

The newish Cradlestone Mall Muldersdrift, near Krugersdorp.

Sunday Afternoon - Values

Eish… I’m discovering I have a limit to long walks…

I wonder if it is the highveld altitude?

Or the need for walking is walking further than I’m used to?

Anyway… I’ll find out what my walking comfort level is and stick to within it.

Perhaps I will work on stretching my limits too.

(I’m VERY grateful to be sleeping more soundly!)

We walked and walked looking for the easier-sliding curtain rails we prefer.

Glenn is now replacing the previous ones with the newly acquired ones.

That should stress the curtains less as we open and close them.

The new kitchen door security gate is in… still needs some touch-up painting…

BUT – I feel more relaxed when I am in the front part of our part of the house.

At the same time… it is harder for Doug, Nadia, Ethan, Daena and Cabryn to pop in.

Doug has a key… Perhaps another one is needed for Nadia and the children…

Grrr… !!!  Difficult trade-off decisions to be made sometimes…

Glenn installed a dishwasher and a washing machine for our other-side-of-the-house tenants.

(Nadia’s sister Kayla and her husband.)

The dishwasher in the old main bedroom, now living area.

The washing machine in the en-suite bathroom bay window area.

It was a significant installation!

I’m so grateful Glenn can do this and that.

It’s a great comfort and blessing to me…

We went on a Friday lunch-date to Second Cup, Weltevreden Farm.

A lovely venue where the tables are in amongst the trees.

The roosters and hens run around.  A friendly cat came and meowed companionably.

I was deeply soul-glad to be there.

Glenn and I are called and set apart as Young Single Adult advisors…

That will be a whole new experience for us!

Have a good week!

Love

Mom / Judy

Early morning sunrise on the way to the Temple.

  

 Us at Second Cup.

And our new security gate...

Beachwood Mangroves Nature Reserve

Last Saturday we visited the Beachwood  Mangroves Nature Reserve in Durban North.  

This has been on my list of "things to do" for a long time.

By chance a few weeks ago we found out where they are, and how to get there...

It is open every third Satruday of the month from 8am - 1pm.

This is the beach sign.

And these are the notice-boards at the entrance area. 

We had someone guiding us - I'm so sorry I didn't note his name...

He was knowledgeable and helpful.  

He brought along a handful of leaves which he scattered in three different locations.

The little red mangrove crabs ventured out, snatched a leaf and scuttled back to their burrows.

I didn't know there were three kinds of mangrove trees.

Here are the three in close proximity - white, black and red with their three types of root systems.

It's a whole different world in the mangrove forest!

Fiddler Crabs with one big front pincer.

Do you see the mudskipper almost centre near the water?  A red crab there too...

Red and fiddler crabs - lots and lots of them...

We also saw some whelks that had climbed a tree.

And a bright yellow orchid near the beach...

Back again from the beach...

And a circular walk along the older boardwalk.

We saw some monkeys...

These little creatures come out and forage in a star shape, returning to their burrow after each foray.

I think cracked ground is so interesting...

These are the seeds of a black mangrove.  When they drop off they lodge upright in the mud and grow roots before the next tide comes in.

I'm glad we made the effort and time to go there.  It was a few hours very well spent!