2022 - Glenn and Judy History - Week 5

On holiday in Hibberdene 

in Natal then, Kwa Zulu Natal now.

1978

Douglas

Angela

Dianne

And Gillian was born 3rd December 1978.

Glenn and Judy

Gillian

Who Has been Particularly Kind to Me?

I love new beginnings!

A new day, an new week.

I count my blessings…

My back is not as sore as it has been for… six months…

That sure is a great blessing to me!

It’s been a hard couple of weeks with my back…

The days go by and I’m content – most of the time…

When I get cabin-fever I take a ride and see something different.

I’m grateful to be able to have a change of scenery.

I’m grateful the Botanic Garden is open again.

(Actually I discovered it isn't... it'll be open in August.)

I’ll be heading there soon.

It’s been closed for months – so I’ll wait for the rush to die down.

We have load-shedding again – the power is going off at 8 this evening.

It will come on again at 30 minutes past midnight.

That means… no electric blanket!

So – sheet shock!

Ah well… this too shall pass!

My Focus 2020 pondering continues…

Read on if you are interested…

I love you!

Mom / Judy

FOCUS – written a couple of days ago…

Here goes!

Who has been particularly kind to me?  How has this changed my life?

Not many people I know, know how to be what feels kind to me.

Kind I like… pity I do not…

I remember in one training session saying “Don’t pity me…”

I wonder why I am so resistant to being pitied.

I do NOT like being pitied.

The kind ones…

A few names come up over and over:  Sylvia Poss (my FAMSA trainer,)

Chris Golden (one of my ecclesiastical leaders,)

Carole Morrison (My friend with whom I’ve shared more about myself than any other,)

my Dad (who amazes me over and over as I find things he gave me, and did for me,)

my sister Jane, my brothers Tim, Les and Ron (who know me the longest of anyone alive.)

At times my children have felt, still feel, exceedingly kind and compassionate to me.

(They know me intimately…)

My husband feels kind and considerate to me.  I am grateful.

Interesting that the same ones who have felt/feel very kind to me are also the ones

who have also been able to/can hurt me in ways that have felt mortally wounding.

Interesting too that the ones I have felt were/are cruel and punishing to me

have also been the ones who have felt/are exceedingly kind to me at other times.

I remember a training session I attended in which we were asked

to list the people who have hurt us on one half of our piece of paper.

And then, on the other half of the same page, the names of the people who have helped us…

with the comment “You may find that the same people appear in both lists.”

True…  Instructive.

I’m grateful to have people I can count on.

Not always the same ones, but when I need someone I can count on,

I can find several to choose from.

“All these things shall give thee experience and be for thy good.” comes to my mind.

What an education!

Every relationship is in our life is for us to learn something about ourselves.

Also about others… and about life, the world.

I’m reminded over and over of the truth of that.

I hope I learn the lessons I need to learn – fast!  Eventually!

I’m interested that I keep on learning!

I’ve learnt about myself “I’ll give you more chances than you deserve…

but, when I’m done, I’m done.”  I’ll walk away, not needing to look back.

No regrets… I gave it all I knew how to give.

I’m really grateful to those who are able, have been able, to be what feels kind to me.

It’s blessed me, my life, and softened my heart, made me more human, more relatable.

Who has been particularly kind to you?  How has this changed your life?

What or who do I need to resist?  How can I do this effectively – and graciously?

Actually, I hardly ever feel the need to resist anything or anyone anymore.

I can be in their presence and not feel bullied or enticed.

I feel like what I don’t want just flows past me, away from me.

I don’t often feel “tempted” and the need to consciously resist.

I used to…  it has been hard at times, and very hard on occasion.

Substances, behaviours, people…  they’ve got under my skin in the past.

My life is simpler now, there aren’t the provocations and close contact with

some people and circumstances that I needed to have in the past.

They were instructive to me – of what I wanted and what I DIDN’T want!

How I wanted to be and how I DIDN’T want to be.

I understand myself, others and ‘life’ more these days.

I understand better who I uniquely am.

I understand better what I want.

I also understand more who and what I don’t want.

I’m able to “stay away” and “govern myself” more effectively.

I also know how to “go to” and say “No” to myself and others.

And – I keep on learning!

I hope I’m gracious and respectful about it…

I try to be.

I try to accord other people the courtesy I like to receive.

I hope I succeed more often than I used to be able to.

I’ve discovered the vocabulary and tones of voice that feel like they “fit” me.

I know what food I like to eat, and what my body likes,

what helps me function as best as I can.

I’ve discovered what colours and clothes I like to wear, that feel like “me.”

I’ve discovered how and where I like to live.

I’ve discovered how I want to spend my hours, my days, my life.

I’ve discovered the median pace I like to live.

I know what I like to read, listen to and watch, and what I don’t.

I’ve discovered who my friends are –

the ones that can be with me through thick and thin, sick and sin.

I’m enjoying the great adventure of my life.

I don’t actually know from day to day where my journey will take me…

And – I like that…  I do not like to be bored.

I do not like to be stuck in a rut.

I do not like to feel helpless, purposeless, wasting my time, my life!

 What or Who do you need to resist… How can you do it effectively and graciously?...

 Sometimes graciously has to go out the window... The resistance just needs to be done!

J

What/Who Do I Want More Of?

Sunday Afternoon – June 14^th 2020

It’s been a WEEK!

COLD! And full of unexpected as well as usual experiences.

I’m grateful for the quiet of this afternoon –

And the sun in our spare room!

Angela’s birthday on Friday.  Jarom’s 20^th birthday tomorrow.

I’m glad to have these two people in my life.

And a whole lot of other family and friend’s birthdays too!

I’m glad to have you and them all in my life.

Vincent draws to the end of his mission, Ethan approaches the start of his.

I’m very aware again that we have no idea what any day actually holds for us.

Life can change in an instant!  Suddenly!

A drunk truck-driver was driving down a highway this week and ploughed into two busses and a mini-bus taxi. Eight people lost their lives…

And so quickly many lives are affected – drastically.

I’m grateful for Tender Mercies.

I’m grateful for each day spent in relationship with those I love and care about.

I think my life is about balancing and re-balancing regularly.

Who or what do I have too much of?  Or too little of?

Is what I want good for me or not?

Is there anything I can do about it?

Who might be able to help me?

Who might I be able to help?

And so we all go on, one day at a time, one week at a time…

This is what I really want more of:

More holiness give me,

More strivings within,

   More patience in suff’ring,

   More sorrow for sin,

   More faith in my Savior,

   More sense of his care,

   More joy in his service,

   More purpose in prayer.

More gratitude give me,

More trust in the Lord,

   More pride in his glory,

   More hope in his word,

   More tears for his sorrows,

   More pain at his grief,

   More meekness in trial,

   More praise for relief.

More purity give me,

More strength to o’ercome,

   More freedom from earth-stains,

   More longing for home.

   More fit for the kingdom,

   More used would I be,

   More blessed and holy—

   More, Savior, like thee.

   This is where my mind has been focussed.

I’ve been pondering Personality Disordered Individuals (PDI)

I’m wondering if one of my clients is such a person, or if one or several around her are.

I’m wondering if it is “my business” and how to responsibly manage myself in her presence.

I don’t often deal with deeply personality-disturbed people.

I hauled out my book about Personality Disorders to have a thoughtful read again.

It was published in 2007.  I read it in 2008.

It was hugely helpful to me when I came across his perspective.

I don’t entirely agree with what he proposes…

And I can also see why he proposes what he proposes…

I need to research this topic some more.

People are so interesting!  So individual!  So complex! 

We’re all so in need of intelligent compassion and consideration.

What can I do?  What ought I not to do?

So – that’s what I need more of at the moment.

I’ve wanted more chocolate this week!

And that’s not always good for me!  I continue learning about myself…

And so, on I go… balancing and re-balancing who/what I want more of,

And discerning who/what is good for me or not…

How do you handle these questions in your life?

I love you!

Thank you for being among those I call mine.

Mom/Judy/Gran Judy

Lasting Influence

Sunday Afternoon March 29^th 2020 

I was reading this week in the Book of Mormon about Enos and how he went hunting, and remembered the words his father said…

This morning I was saying to Glenn “I miss my relationship with my Dad… He often would make comments that really made me think differently.”

He once said “Judy is our night-time perambulator…”  in the most natural and matter of fact way.  No criticism or praise...  That helped me see who I was in his eyes.  I still perambulate in the night-time sometimes… I guess that’s just a part of who I am.  I realized I get alone-time in the night when others are sleeping.  Of course… there is a price to pay – now I give myself a break then next day when I’ve been awake during the night.  Night time is also very good undisturbed thinking time.

He once asked me “Do you ever think about the person you are speaking to on the phone? … where they are while you are talking, what they’re doing…”  No – I never thought that before… Now I sometimes do.

I’m glad he was my Dad.  We spent some very good times together.  We made some good memories  when we reasonably could – considering his life and mine.  I’m glad I had no regrets when he died.  I meaningfully visited with him every week – by letter, phone call or actual visit.

I’m grateful for those I choose to live with.  I’m grateful for my husband.  We are so very different, and between the two of us we’ve knocked off some rough edges and made a good and peaceful life together.  I hope our children feel and come to appreciate the benefit of who and what we were able to be along our individual and family journeys when we were raising them.  Some families walk a dangerous walk together, some a disastrous.  We chose the risk of working out our differences and problems whilst staying together.  It was potentially greatly refining for both of us, and each of our children.  No going back and changing anything… onward, ever onward we go…

There were others who blessed and influenced me along the way.  All of them imperfect, I could identify their flaws easily… nevertheless each was a comfort, an encouragement, a teacher and a blessing to me on my journey to increasing maturity.

My heavenly Father – Thank You for your patience with and trust in me.

I’m discovering more and more, about what really matters most, every day.

There’s so much to learn!  I’m delighted I’ll never run out of things to learn!

My family of origin.  They have known me for the longest time of my life.

Lionel Bibb - he blessed his own family, and me too.

My husband.  I discovered in my studies, unless we learn better, we 'instinctively' choose who we need to learn from and with.  Usually someone ‘like’ the parent we had the most challenge with.  We get to figure out as an adult what we could not when we were children in our original circumstances.

Douglas, Angela, Dianne and Gillian.  I’ve learnt so much from and with you.  I believe you agreed to come to us and ‘help’ us along as we ‘help’ you along. You also ‘know’ me inside and out.

Our extended families – I appreciate the new dimensions and experiences you bring into my life.

I’m grateful Glenn and our children haven’t given up on me.  Thank you.

Sylvia Poss – my main FAMSA trainer - for many years.

Linda Brown – a significant turning-point FAMSA trainer.

My LifeLine trainers - also over many years.

Chris Golden – our home teacher, then our Stake President.

A senior missionary Sister at the Missionary Training Centre – I don’t remember her name.

She told me about a moment in her relationship with her husband. 

She said she had occasion to say to him  “If you can’t and don’t appreciate me, you’ll lose me.”

The scriptures, and teachers, and commentators on the scriptures.

General Conference and other church leaders talks.

Many, many church talks and classes through many years.

The church magazines, and other good magazines.

Many authors of books I have been blessed to learn from – either in formal- or self-study.

I continue to learn.  Every day!  Amazing!

I continue to choose to become more and more my unique, special and irreplaceable self.

I continue to live the best way I know how, every day, for most of it, almost all the time.

I’m not perfect yet…

I still have a long way to go.

And - I’m a whole lot more mature than I was able to be earlier in my life.

Thank you each for the good I have gleaned from each of you.

Thank you all those who have not given up on me.

Whose words have had a lasting influence on you?

I love you.

Mom / Judy

Now that watermelon is scarce…

Delicious and nutritious papaya and banana!

Sunday Afternoon - June 16th 2019 - Home-Sick Prickle

Whew!

144 Weeks!

Sometimes I get a little “home-sick prickle” inside me…

Most days I am delighted and grateful to be here and

adding my little bit to the project.

Thank you Douglas for being at home and managing things there.

That is a great comfort to me.

Angela, your birthday on Wednesday!

I remember increasingly longing for months for you to ‘come…’

And then, there you were!

The start of a journey together we could not possibly have foreseen.

I am blessed to have you as my daughter.

I learn from you regularly, as well as learning along with you.

I appreciate the bits of news, occasional contacts and visits from all of you.

Thank you for remembering us.

Have a good week…

Love Mom/Judy

In our new “office” – one of the missionary apartments.

And – my view of the temple from my desk…

 

Isle of Wight Final Week

So sweet...

Cheryn was changing Emily's nappy,

Isaac was gently holding her head.

Emily has grown!

She is a dear little baby.

Glenn spent a lot of time figuring out where the fault was.

The electricity were tripping out intermittently...

By this time his knees were sore so he worked lying on his side in the loft area. 

Friday evening Glenn and Patrick were still busy with the electricity problem that 

turned out to be three problems that happened to appear to be one.

Samuel and Isaac were somewhat poorly so when they were asleep

Angela and I joined Pete, Zeek, Rachel, Corbin, Cheryn and Emily and

six or eight other adults, all but one of whom I didn't know, and three other children.

Pete prepared a beach potjie at Fort Victoria beach.

What a particularly special evening for me at the beach sitting around the campfire

and telling stories and having meaningful conversations.
The tide was lapping in, approaching the campfire.
In Pete's temporary absence
I started the precarious move of the fire to higher, safer, beach sand.
By the time we left the in-coming tide was licking the embers
in the previous place the campfire was situated.
I'm sure Pete had no intention of being at the site so late.
Circumstances developed and so it turned out to be.
An unexpected and very special evening for me. 

We hardly saw much of Roxanne and Vincent this visit.

They were in and out about their Young Adult business.

This is a sign at Samuel's class room.

Saturday afternoon we took Samuel and Isaac to a friend's birthday party at Shanklin.

                            

And after the party we strolled to the beach to de-stress

from the noise and the psychedely (my word)

This was on the way to the beach.

On the beach across the road from Jungle Jim's.

I liked seeing Angela's hair flying in the breeze.

She is going to have it cut and donate it for wigs.

She is truly a good woman in many, many ways.

 Guess whose toes?

Do you see these little toes?

I went for a beach stroll.

And back again to the sand-play.

Samuel wandered off.

Lovely almost two hours on the beach after Jungle Jim's.

  Bless Angela... she puts the last of the sandwiches out for the sea gulls.

                      

Yesterday (Monday) we went to Bebe-Chinnos with Isaac

before fetching Samuel a little later.

I saw this sign in one of the home doorways on the way back from there!

I had a good giggle.

We fetched Samuel.

I stayed in the car and enjoyed seeing these berries.

I also enjoyed a feast of blackberries again!

Cheryn visited for the last time beinging Emily.

Here is Kieran feeding her as they were about to leave in the evening.

The lounge has curtains!

Glenn put up the rails.

Dianne found the curtains on free-cycle.

I adapted the curtains to fit.

The laundry has curtains too!

They needed shortening.

 And back on the early-morning ferry today with Patrick.

There were lots of Bestival-goers on board too.

Most of them left Sunday night or yesterday.

In Southampton there were three huge cruise ships that I saw docked.

This is one of them.

The cars on the ferry.

Grey day today.

I love grey days.

We have been blessed in our travels - un-wet weather every time until today

when it was fine drizzle.  Lovely.

On the train to Redhill again...

I liked the message in this advert.

"Find your place."

Indeed.

Find out who you are and what YOUR place in the world is.

More lovely flowers on one of the stations.

Our journey was about two and a half hours.

Another good message...

"Believe in better."

Indeed.

Dianne met us at Redhill again

and we are here for our last week!