Sunday Afternoon - January 19th 2020 - My Search Continues...

My Daily Search for … Continues…

What am I searching for…?

When I was a new family and marriage counsellor I had a young client.

She came out to South Africa from Holland? Germany? and found herself

in a complex situation she could hardly have imagined.

She looked at me earnestly and said “All I want is a nice quiet life…”

We worked together to deal with her newly realised reality.

I’ve pondered her words lots in the intervening 30+ years.

“Yes.  That’s what I want too.” I remember thinking at the time.

“ And now I have the words to express my deepest desire.  Thank you!”

In some respects my life is not what others would call “quiet…”

What then does “quiet” mean to me?

Sufficient harmony within myself and with those I live and work with.

And I have that most times these days...

I conserve and nurture my goodwill with myself and with particularly these others. 

I create the peacefulness I need, within myself, and around me every day.

I heard someone talk recently about important “holy habits” and “righteous routines.”

I have developed what works for me and gives me pleasure.

Tai Chi every week is important to me.

It helps me be physically and mentally more peaceful.

I found my Tai Chi group I used to belong to at the Botanic Gardens this week!

They meet an hour earlier!

That’s why I have missed them since we got home!

Happy Day!

Steve, one of the leaders, said “I can see you did Tai Chi while you were in KZN…”

Indeed, I did, every week.  Sometimes on the beach, sometimes in the garden,

sometimes in our apartment, sometimes on our West balcony.

One of my righteous routines…

The group has progressed to level 4.  I am well-schooled in levels 1 and 2.

On Tuesday I was delightfully clumsy in the next two levels!

I giggled and giggled as I tried my best to follow.

As you know I have difficult with my left and my right.

So when Lynda said “drop your left hand and circle your right” it was

a significant mental feat for me to follow her…

There’s a child-likeness to not knowing that is very blissful for me.

Another righteous routine is a bath in the afternoon.

It helps me physically and gives me a good soak.  “Relax.  Unwind.  Soak.”

Oh yeah…!  Thank you Dianne for “Relax. Unwind!”

She has those words on her bathroom wall.

What are you searching for, reaching for?

How’s your search going?

Some searches take a life-time… and beyond…

“A happy life must be, to a great extent, a quiet life – for it is only in

an atmosphere of quiet that true joy can live.”

Bertrand Russell said in “Boredom and Excitement” –

(Reader’s Digest – How To Live With Life, p 219 “Slow Down - and Live.”

May we all prosper in the deepest meanings of the word this 2020.

Love

Mom / Judy

Yep... it was chilly enough - in January! to wear a cardigan on Sunday.

PS We began functioning as Young Single Adult advisors…

A Whole New Learning Curve for Us!

Working together… that is a new one…

We’re good at parallel work… Now we’ll get to working on companion work…

Here’s hoping… 

I liked these companion sculptures at

The newish Cradlestone Mall Muldersdrift, near Krugersdorp.

Sunday afternoon 2nd June 2019 - Small World, Small Question

Good afternoon!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN AND LOGAN!  TODAY!
This outing looks like just the sort that I would love to share...
Thanks Laura for the photo of them I could copy and edit...

Small World - 

During the week I said to one of our suppliers of hardware for the Temple and Housing
"I've been wondering - are you related to Elisabeth van Heesch in Cape Town?"

She said "Yes!  She is my mother-in-law!  How do you know her?"

"She is my cousin - her mother and my mother are sisters..."

We had some interesting conversation!

AND Small Question - and Further Questions...

I gave a lift to someone to Church today.
(Glenn was not well so he stayed home.)

When I arrived back at her home, we chatted on...
I switched off the car.

At one point I said to her
"If I were your fairy godmother, what would you ask for?"
She replied right off.

On the way home I pondered that question...
"If someone asked me that, how would I answer?"

As we sat at lunch a little later I asked Glenn the same question...
More interesting and thoughtful discussion.

So -
How would you answer that small question if someone asked you?

Actually, I think it's a most interesting question to ponder.
I've appreciated the honest conversations with the two I talked with.

Maybe also... " Tomorrow's joy or tomorrow's despair
has its roots in the questions we ponder and learn from today..." ???
And maybe also... "the relationships we nurture today..."  ???
What else...

The time we spend BE-ing?
The books we read?
How we spend our time?
The food we eat?
The thoughts we think...
How and why we save/spend our resources today...
The formal and informal education we add to every day...
Those we watch and learn from...
The talents we develop...
The words we use - and don't use...
The explorations we make...
The media we use/consume/participate in...

I've also been thinking lately -
How do we become
"character-buildingly submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love,
and anxiously engaged in good causes?"

And also...
"How do we become wisely bold, brave, steadfast and immovable?"

And also...
It's good to share - time, talents, means...
What is the point at which sharing becomes over-sharing -
no longer helpful to me and the other?

It's good to be flexible.
At what point does flexibility become problem creating?

It's tough to be tough...
It's tough to be tender...
It's tough to know when each is appropriate and problem solving...

Hmm...

Too Much? Too Little?

Some days I just cry.

On those days I have learnt to gently ask myself questions...

What is too much?
What is too little?

Who is too much?
Who is too little?

Where is too much?
Where is too little?

Am I trying too hard?
Am I not trying enough?

Too much work?
Too much play?

Deep breathing helps.
Giving myself time and space to consider the questions helps.
Crying helps.

"The first tears since your cataract operation..." Glenn said this morning.
Indeed.
New vision to adjust to.
Drops to remember four times a day - I decided on 6am 11am 4pm 9pm.
How to remember?
I shifted Mom's wedding ring I wear on my right hand ring finger to the middle finger on my right hand.  That's what often, not always, helps me remember I need to remember something.  The what I need to remember is sometimes a challenge!
How to remember which drops are for which eye?
Mark them - 1 2 3 4
One and two for the left eye, first operated, three and four for the right eye.
How to manage these four little bottles?
Glenn has so many little boxes of medication...
Perhaps one of them will do.

I found a Syndol box, I cut it to suit my purposes.
Seeing Syndol gives me the creeps.
How to get rid of what gives me the heebie jeebies (for what reason?!  I don't know... it just does.)
I go to my meager wrapping paper sore in my cupboard - choose some paper cut and stick it on.

Me, I like to follow instructions to the letter - it may be critical.
One drop of each in each eye, wait five minutes or so, and another drop of the other bottle in each eye.
So now I have four bottles... twenty minutes, well fifteen... that feels like just too much!
I realised I could put in one and three at the same time, wait five minutes and then put in two and four.  Sigh...

How do I remember if I have put in two and four?
Take them out of the box, put in one and three and return them to the box.
If they are out of the box, put them in.
So far, so good...

Now... how to remember to take the box with me when I go to work, or to church, or out?
At least, at last, I've got the 6 11 4 and 9 in my head...
What if... what seems like a drop is actually a bubble?
Sometimes I'm not sure I've put in a drop.
That's just too much for me to be worried about - I hope it is not crucial.
My eyes are very important to me. Sigh...

My old spectacles don't work as they used to.
I need to wait another four weeks to get new ones.
"Just get +2 readers." said the opthalmologist.
I got some.
They mildly freak me out - I'm not used to them.
Now to read, I need reading glasses.
I used to be able to sort of see for casual reading.

I had two pairs of prescription readers.
One at home, and one in our office container.
They work better than the +2 ones I got, although the +2 ones give a blacker, clearer, larger text.
I have +2 readers in my bag which I take to Church.
I want another pair in my car - in case I forget others at home.
Reading is VERY important to me!
Tiring...

(I feel better already for typing this all out...)

I'll go down, and just sit by the sea...
That always helps me calm right down.
But - if the wind is blowing, I need to beware in dusty environments for now...
Sigh...

I'll make my way through this day.
I'll come home, wash my hair, and feel better...

Oh yes... When I look in the mirror I see a drab, old lady...
I can't wear mascara for four to six week...
Sigh...

I need some COLOUR!
I wear black trousers and a black T shirt every day to work.
I love wearing black.
Strangely, it makes me feel happy.
Not having to decide what I am going to wear makes my life easier.
So... I go to my 4 belt racks of about 30 scarves.
I will choose a bright one for today...
BUT - I am tired, bored, with the ones I have here.
I have about as many at home as I have here - gathered over many years.
Sigh...

"Just choose the one here that makes you feel the happiest today Judy!"
says the wise and kind part of me to the fretful and tired part of me.
(You see? I am getting good at being my own best friend.)
I will do that...

Today I am tired of making decisions.
I'm glad it is a Tuesday - Monday is all the report finishing, editing, and sending.
Stressful...
It's Tuesday...  Just three more lots to send out from yesterday.
Easier and pleasanter than all the ones to remember yesterday...
I can do that.
Sigh...

Oh... and my back is aching.
It has been since Saturday.
"You are dealing with it Judy... and the ice packs are helping."
Yes, indeed they are.
It is easier each day.
Perhaps my body requires me to do what my mind and spirit need me to do?
I frequently marvel at the wonder and wisdom of our bodies, minds and spirits.
Sigh...

And on... into the day.
I love new days.
I thank God every morning for the new day.

Durban Botanic Garden

Discordia and Harmonia:

On Monday the site was noisy with the type of noise that frays my imperturbability. The TLB was rumbling about. The bobcat was shifting soil to the fountain area in front of the Temple - not far from our office. The hand-driven compactor was following it.

I thought "I just have to get away from here."  I remembered I needed to fetch my Botanical Society membership card from the Durban Botanic Garden office (held there at my request, for me to collect instead of them posting it to Gauteng.) I parked in the fairly empty car-park.
Established 1849... 169 years old... The huge trees felt comforting. "They will be here long after I am gone..." 
I walked past the cracks in the brickwork where peace-in-the-home was growing. "I hope I can grow peace where there are age-cracks in my life..." 

I strolled past the bouncy trees. I remembered Cheryn and Zeek bouncing there when they were little. I felt quite tearful. "They are all so far away..." 

I picked up this seed and that - ones I don't have in my collection in La Lucia "I am constantly amazed at the variety of colour, shape and texture! I'm so glad to live and see all this beauty!"


I saw the most gorgeous vine with drooping red (whatever you call them) "What a wonderful creation - thank you Heavenly Father..."

The stillness was SO welcome. I collected my card. I wandered around the garden. 

I looped past where Angela Simon and we met - was it two years ago?! "I'm grateful for good and kind friends..." 

I noticed the Petrea vine "My Mom loved Petrea. She planted in our garden what she could of what she loved wherever she went..."

I went on remoter paths I haven't been on before... "I'm grateful for the security men I see walking around... I feel safe enough to breathe freely, go where I want to, and relax..." 

I watched the ducklings - so sweet... just going about unafraid under the watchful eye of their mother... "I'm glad for being able to pause and watch them."

I left in time to miss the afternoon rush-hour-traffic..

I'm glad I went.

I felt like my Time Out Of Time was just what I needed.
I felt my well-being and balance was restored.