What Changes Do I Need To Make?

Sunday Afternoon – April 26^th 2020 

Hilmar, you say “What a day…”  For us it’s been “What a week…”  

And, it’s been a good week!

Kayla’s birthday celebration last Sunday – lunch and afternoon/evening together at Doug and Nadia’s, we had Doug and Nadia, Ethan Daena and Cabryn here for supper on Tuesday; Ethan’s supper and opening of his mission call to Cape Town mission on Thursday at Doug and Nadia’s;

  

Doug and Nadia’s 21^st wedding anniversary, combined with Nadia’s grandmother’s 86^th birthday celebration supper here on Friday evening. 12 of us wandering there and here to rejoice and celebrate together… (Doug, Nadia, Ethan, Daena, Cabryn; Travis, Kayla; Nadia's mother Erene, Erene's mother Miriam (or Marion to some) and Erene's daughter Roisin; and Glenn and me.)

Along the way we updated ourselves with the current Corona Virus national information, and accomplished more property maintenance and development:  Glenn replaced a toilet washer, and another toilet fitting, took out our old shower in the other part of the house, cleaned it and replaced the shower – it was leaking.  I did more gardening and sorting, particularly in our outside storeroom.  Satisfying, I must say.

Monday – (Freedom Day)

And, here we are into the new week…

 It’s a public holiday here – not that it makes any difference...  J 

Not much change in our routines, just different programming on the radio programmes.

And now – on to the question to consider for the week…

What changes do I need to make?  Why do I need to make them?

I’m one of those who is making changes all the time as I realise I’m “off track.”

(Off the track I decide I want to travel on.) 

I wonder where I learnt that?

I think perhaps it grew into my consciousness?

I remember feeling at one point “Oh!  I’ve let my standard slip…”

And – “This doesn’t feel nice for me… What needs to be done?”

Also – “Oh!  Am I supposed to influence, if I can…?!”

And – “My children don’t take me seriously because I do not get angry…”

“I don’t like the way I sounded – to myself!  No matter how I sounded to him/her…”

“Oh Judy – that was a low blow… What on earth were you thinking when you said that?!”

“I acknowledge you have the right to behave and speak the way you choose…

however… you’ll lose me if you don’t find your ways to govern yourself better…”

“I claim the privilege of worshiping according to the dictates of my own conscience.”

“You also have that privilege to worship, or not, who, how, where and what you may.”

“I didn’t sign up for this…”

“This is more than I know how to deal with… who can help me?”

“Firm, fair and friendly… that who I am.  How can we live this together...?”

“I am a wonderful, worthy woman of God.  I deserve to be loved and appreciated…

I am worthy.  I am loved and appreciated… by many others.”

“I am your mother… you are my teenage child… 

I will behave in an adult manner no matter how you react and behave.”

“I choose my life and how I’ll be (within the bounds that I can’t change.
Or the changes I'm  not going to make.  You can pull out you want to, I'm not going to.)”

Of course… I was not always successful in the face of the voices and actions of accusation, opposition, provocation, and immaturity from within me to myself and others,

and from those outside of and around me.  

I could not be more mature than I was able to be. 

Neither were those around me able to be more mature than they were able to be.

None of us can know what we don’t know yet, or be mature than we can be at any given time.

Hopefully we’re all growing, striving, growing up.

Somehow or other I did not give up on those important to me, and they did not give up on me…

We learnt to respect ourselves and each other in increasing degrees I think?

I guess we learnt, and are still learning, to live, love, learn, set and keep rational and civil limits.

Hopefully there is some sort of worthwhile legacy of what we want to pass down to our future generations and what we want to let go of and not pass down.

And that “worthwhile or worthless legacy” does not depend only on what I, and we, decide.

I hope I keep on changing in ways that make me a better person and easier to live with.

What changes do you still need to make, and why?

I love you!

Mom / Judy / Gran Judy etc

Hymn (Number 240) made an impression on me when I was a child.

It continues to be deeply meaningful to me.

(I hope it is included in the new hymnbook currently being compiled…)

Know this, that ev’ry soul is free

To choose his life and what he’ll be;

   For this eternal truth is giv’n:

   That God will force no man to heav’n.

He’ll call, persuade, direct aright,

And bless with wisdom, love, and light,

   In nameless ways be good and kind,

   But never force the human mind.

Freedom and reason make us men;

Take these away, what are we then?

   Mere animals, and just as well

   The beasts may think of heav’n or hell.

May we no more our pow’rs abuse,

But ways of truth and goodness choose;

   Our God is pleased when we improve

   His grace and seek his perfect love.