On those days I have learnt to gently ask myself questions...
What is too much?
What is too little?
Who is too much?
Who is too little?
Where is too much?
Where is too little?
Am I trying too hard?
Am I not trying enough?
Too much work?
Too much play?
Deep breathing helps.
Giving myself time and space to consider the questions helps.
Crying helps.
"The first tears since your cataract operation..." Glenn said this morning.
Indeed.
New vision to adjust to.
Drops to remember four times a day - I decided on 6am 11am 4pm 9pm.
How to remember?
I shifted Mom's wedding ring I wear on my right hand ring finger to the middle finger on my right hand. That's what often, not always, helps me remember I need to remember something. The what I need to remember is sometimes a challenge!
How to remember which drops are for which eye?
Mark them - 1 2 3 4
One and two for the left eye, first operated, three and four for the right eye.
How to manage these four little bottles?
Glenn has so many little boxes of medication...
Perhaps one of them will do.
I found a Syndol box, I cut it to suit my purposes.
Seeing Syndol gives me the creeps.
How to get rid of what gives me the heebie jeebies (for what reason?! I don't know... it just does.)
I go to my meager wrapping paper sore in my cupboard - choose some paper cut and stick it on.
Me, I like to follow instructions to the letter - it may be critical.
One drop of each in each eye, wait five minutes or so, and another drop of the other bottle in each eye.
So now I have four bottles... twenty minutes, well fifteen... that feels like just too much!
I realised I could put in one and three at the same time, wait five minutes and then put in two and four. Sigh...
How do I remember if I have put in two and four?
Take them out of the box, put in one and three and return them to the box.
If they are out of the box, put them in.
So far, so good...
Now... how to remember to take the box with me when I go to work, or to church, or out?
At least, at last, I've got the 6 11 4 and 9 in my head...
What if... what seems like a drop is actually a bubble?
Sometimes I'm not sure I've put in a drop.
That's just too much for me to be worried about - I hope it is not crucial.
My eyes are very important to me. Sigh...
My old spectacles don't work as they used to.
I need to wait another four weeks to get new ones.
"Just get +2 readers." said the opthalmologist.
I got some.
They mildly freak me out - I'm not used to them.
Now to read, I need reading glasses.
I used to be able to sort of see for casual reading.
I had two pairs of prescription readers.
One at home, and one in our office container.
They work better than the +2 ones I got, although the +2 ones give a blacker, clearer, larger text.
I have +2 readers in my bag which I take to Church.
I want another pair in my car - in case I forget others at home.
Reading is VERY important to me!
Tiring...
(I feel better already for typing this all out...)
I'll go down, and just sit by the sea...
That always helps me calm right down.
But - if the wind is blowing, I need to beware in dusty environments for now...
Sigh...
I'll make my way through this day.
I'll come home, wash my hair, and feel better...
Oh yes... When I look in the mirror I see a drab, old lady...
I can't wear mascara for four to six week...
Sigh...
I need some COLOUR!
I wear black trousers and a black T shirt every day to work.
I love wearing black.
Strangely, it makes me feel happy.
Not having to decide what I am going to wear makes my life easier.
So... I go to my 4 belt racks of about 30 scarves.
I will choose a bright one for today...
BUT - I am tired, bored, with the ones I have here.
I have about as many at home as I have here - gathered over many years.
Sigh...
"Just choose the one here that makes you feel the happiest today Judy!"
says the wise and kind part of me to the fretful and tired part of me.
(You see? I am getting good at being my own best friend.)
I will do that...
Today I am tired of making decisions.
I'm glad it is a Tuesday - Monday is all the report finishing, editing, and sending.
Stressful...
It's Tuesday... Just three more lots to send out from yesterday.
Easier and pleasanter than all the ones to remember yesterday...
I can do that.
Sigh...
Oh... and my back is aching.
It has been since Saturday.
"You are dealing with it Judy... and the ice packs are helping."
Yes, indeed they are.
It is easier each day.
Perhaps my body requires me to do what my mind and spirit need me to do?
I frequently marvel at the wonder and wisdom of our bodies, minds and spirits.
Sigh...
And on... into the day.
I love new days.
I thank God every morning for the new day.
No comments:
Post a Comment