What do I Stand Up for? What do I Stand Out for?

Sunday Afternoon May 10th 2020

It’s been a whirl of a week!

A baby boy born in the Ward at the beginning of the week

and another at the end of the week.

Thank goodness for being able to call on their ministering sisters

to stand by them!  In ways they could… remotely…

They helped me bear my Relief Society President’s load.

In these Covid 19 circumstances there are Ward people in distress.

I needed to help one family.

We had our Ward Council meeting… using zoom.

Travis, next door, helped me get organised with that.

We had our first Relief Society Presidency meeting by Whatsapp video.

Douglas helped me understand how to do that.

I was glad to see and talk to my one counsellor and

my secretary whom I don’t know yet.

I was glad for the one familiar counsellor’s face on my phone…

I also had two counselling sessions by video technology…

Another learning curve…

On the one day, Thursday I think, I was just… dazed…

I went out into the garden and spent some time weeding.  Grounding…

I reached out to one of my long-long-time friends.

She has her own mental health challenges.

She was able to phone me back a day later.

After spending a lovely hour with her, just chatting and being the two of us,

I felt refreshed and “together” again…

I’m also doing more Tai Chi sessions.  That’s also helped.

Yesterday while I did this and that around the house

I watched a feast of TED talks to learn more about autism,

Asbergers and depression.

That change of focus helped too.

There’s so much we didn’t know when we were raising our children.

We didn’t know about much ourselves.  We were both “Babes in the woods.”

And we couldn’t know what it was not possible to know then about

what we didn’t know about raising children.

I thank God for a Bordeaux school bulletin in which was the poem

“Bill of Rights

Please, let me grow as I be,

And try to understand why I want to grow like me,

Not like my Dad hopes I’ll be,

Please try to understand and help me to grow just like me!”

I looked the quote up on the internet – it’s by Hungarian born Magda Gerber.

Her work is shared on magdagerber.org

I would have loved to know more about her at the time in the snippets

I’ve just read briefly.

I’m glad for the Bill of Rights above… It helped me. 

I tried, the very best I knew how… as much as I was able to…

Thankfully, Glenn has been deeply absorbed this week in what he’s doing in the workshop.

Our time together this week at breakfast, lunch and in the evenings has been lovely.

And now my thoughts on the Focus 2020 question for the week:

What do I stand up/stand out for?  Does anything need to change?  If so, what?

Good question…

I don’t know!

I know what I hope I stand up and out for…

Let me know what you think I stand up and out for if you feel like it…

I asked Glenn, and he gave me an answer.

I said “That’s what I want to be known for… but sometimes I’m a wimp, a coward.”

That’s the truth…

Ask those around you what they see you stand up/stand out for…

It’s a precious gift indeed when someone tells you how they see you.

I’m reminded of the Scottish poet, Robert Burns, who said

“O, wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
An' foolish notion.”

It’s a precious gift indeed when someone shares with you how they see you.

It’s also painful sometimes that what you want the other to see and know

is not what you intend or want to be known for, seen for.

Then the search for the truth begins…

Am I being and portraying myself accurately?

Is there some hiccup in their receiving me as I actually am?

The journey of a life-time.

What’s “The journey?”

I think it’s “To be who I am”

and to live my one precious life the way I want to live it.

To be authentic.

I enjoy Judge Judy (on TV) when I get the opportunity to see her.

I remember one thing she said in a programme a long time ago that I wrote down…

“It’s your life!  Live it well.”

If you don’t do that, the consequences are not what you want to have…

Well, the consequences might not be what you want anyway,

we are not the only ones involved in how our lives “turn out.”

But if you’ve lived your life well, there’s a deep peace of conscience

no matter what’s going on around you.

Long, long ago I got a book called “Minute Masterpieces.”

One poem in there helped me to live with myself more contentedly.

By Edgar A Guest – any relation Kieran?

“Myself” I have to live with myself and so I want to be fit for myself to know. I want to be able as days go by, always to look myself straight in the eye; I don't want to stand with the setting sun and hate myself for the things I've done. I don't want to keep on a closet shelf a lot of secrets about myself and fool myself as I come and go into thinking no one will ever know the kind of person I really am, I don't want to dress myself up in sham. I want to go out with my head erect I want to deserve all men's respect; but here in the struggle for fame and pelf I want to be able to like myself. I don't want to look at myself and know I'm bluster and bluff and empty show. I never can hide myself from me; I see what others may never see; I know what others may never know, I never can fool myself and so, whatever happens I want to be self respecting and conscience free. What do you stand up for? What do you stand out for? Love Mom / Judy / Gran Judy