What "New and Different" do I Need to Embrace?

Sunday afternoon – May 17^th 2020 

Last Sunday was Mother’s Day.

For our Sacrament meeting Doug invited us, starting with the youngest to oldest,

To say something about our mothers.

I was second last…

Words spilled out of me that I would rather not have said out loud.

Perhaps it was hearing all those “nice” words others had to say about their mothers…

Including me, Doug’s mother, and the mother Glenn’s children, me again.

And a couple of others felt blessed by me “mothering” them in some respect.

My relationship with my mother was complex.

Perhaps because she was complex, perhaps because I was.

Probably because we both were/are.

I didn’t feel like I had a “mother” in her.

I felt more like I was her mother than she was able to be mine.

I felt like I had… someone to beware of, be careful and cautious around.

I remember feeling frustrated around her, on guard.

I’ve spent a week searching my memory for good memories of my mother.

I thought I’d look back at my creative writing to see what I’d written about my mother.

Nothing there.

I started a blog about her…

I looked there – nothing that I had written, just records of her writings.

This I wrote about her:

"I honour my mother and all that she was able to teach me,

and all that I was able to learn from her,

whether she was intending to teach me at that point or not...

I trust my readers will enjoy learning more about my mother."

https://beatricephilippadrydendymondpowrie.blogspot.com/

Sigh…

In my daily calendar this week have been the words:

May 14^th – Believe in the inherent good of each person…

May 15^th – Each person, including yourself, has good points…

May 16^th – Seek out the good points of yourself and others and conditions will change…

May 17^th – Other people have the right to be different from me…

She was good.

She had good points.

I can seek out more and more of her good points.

She certainly has the right to be different from me.

She was who she was…

A product of her time.

A product of her family.

Affected by her thoughts, feelings and experiences.

On her own sacred journey through life.

And now to this week’s conscience-searing (for me) focus question: 

What ‘new and different’ do I need to embrace?  Is this the right time?

These words are a reminder that I am invited again to change my narrative about my mother.

Not only my outer narrative, but also my inner thoughts and feelings…

That will certainly be “new” and “different” for me!

I remember a friend of mine whose mother was decidedly odd.

He once said “From my father I learnt… and from my mother I learnt…”

I was shocked.  He had found something good to say about his mother.

(I think I tried this exercise before… I don’t remember what I decided at that time.

I obviously didn’t spend enough time re-programming myself…

So here goes – again…  “find something positive I learnt from my mother…”)

“From my mother I learnt patriotism, duty and the complexities of right and wrong.”

I’m going to concentrate on that.

Keep it short and sweet.

I’m grateful she was a Montessori teacher and trained me in that in my early childhood.

I’m grateful for all the family history she did – lots.

I admire her love of gardening and passion for trees.

I acknowledge her love for animals.

I’m grateful for her exploratory mind – it’s helped me to explore widely.

I’m grateful for her patriotism – that was a good example to me.

She was compassionate to the waifs and strays that came her way.

She was civic minded.

She was passionately vegetarian.

She enjoyed having people to stay – visitors and borders.

She enjoyed crocheting blankets for her children and grandchildren.

She enjoyed record-keeping and creative writing.

Douglas said “I remember her as a kind person.”

Yes… there was a kind part of her.
And - I know she loved me.
And - I know she did the best she knew how.

I remember “In time take time while time doth last; for time is no time when time is past.”

I remember “Be true for the sake of those who think you are true.”

I remember “Too much laughing comes before crying.”

I’m glad I was able to honour and respect her while she was alive.
(I think... I hope it looked like that too.  I hope it felt like that to her too at least some of the time.)

I’m glad I was able to be patient with her.

I’m glad I was increasingly able to think before I spoke to her.

I’m glad I made the journey to visit her and my Dad in Cape Town before she died.

She died suddenly at age 74 – four hours after having a painful stroke. 

I’m glad she was spared wasting-away and a lingering death.

I hope my “wounded child/teenager/woman” heals some more and that next Mother’s Day I can whole-heartedly pay my warm brief tribute to her to whom I was born.

I believe my Father knows what He is doing.

Therefore… there must be some wise and wonderful reason I was born as her first daughter, first child.

There must be some wise and wonderful reason she was my female predecessor.

I will explore more of those thoughts in my quiet moments.

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I just watched this/listened to this - Joyce Meyer has helped me along, and along day by day...
(The adverts are irritating...)
(The background music is too loud for me...)
But I've learn a lot from Joyce Meyer about enjoying everyday life...

Pastor Hagin follows her - I don't know of him...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4OL5L9W8ko&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3cn71vpziPlfzhelsXeMyUdsNr7-THmpCuEBsxmjIsAAIfpqZk7cOsY1k