Who/What Do I Put Myself Out For?

Sunday Afternoon - June 28^th 2020 

Glenn went for hopefully his final kidney stone surgery…

He says he feels much better…

I continue with the chiropractor – that feels helpful…

I’ve discovered that a hot water bottle on my back is very nice and soothing.

Hopefully whatever was ‘out’ is settling into new comfort.

On Friday I had a foot reflexology session – that felt very good for me!

On Saturday I woke with no pain at all.  That lasted until mid-day,

then the hot water bottle and resting helped.

And so we continue – basking in our sunny spare room for as long

as the sun is there, and then putting on heaters when it is cold.

Who do I put myself out for?   Is this good for them?  For me?

I put myself out for various people and occasions.

I do it as much as I can without resentment.

When I feel taken advantage of, or stretching beyond my limits

I know how to excuse myself and take care of myself and replenish my reserves.

I know more about not enabling people to be able to be their less-than better self.

Around me at any rate.

I read a book about “Women Who Love Too Much” once upon a time…

That was an important read for me.

By the way: There are men who love too much too.

We can love too much for our own good, and love too much for their good.

Occasionally I need to “just keep going,” and I can do that still.

I know I will need down time afterwards, time to recoup, recover.

No-one can “run on empty” beyond a certain point.

And it’s been interesting and instructive to realize I can actually

do more than I thought I could sometimes.

I’ve learnt over the years what I can and cannot do, must and must not do, and just will not do.

I’ve learnt to manage myself better and better.

I’ve learnt that most things do not need to be done in an urgent fashion.

Well… not things that are still in my life anyway!

Reducing my commitments has been a part of my life for a long time.

There are times and seasons I have learnt.

I have discovered I can’t do it all.  I don’t want to do it all.

I’ve discovered I don’t want it all.  Sufficient for my needs is sufficient for me.

I have discovered I can have it all, all that I want; just not all at the same time.

It’s “Time to relax and enjoy the journey!” Every Day!

A long time ago a friend of my parents, Shirley Murrish, shared a moment with me.

“Judy, my husband and I were going to do this grand trip when he retired.

Two years before he retired he had a stroke and the trip couldn’t happen anymore.

If something is important to you, don’t put it off.”

And a useful short story I read – to this effect: 

A young couple always wanted to travel in a camper-van.

The husband also wanted to teach seminary.

A seminary salary would not afford a regular campervan.

So they bought an old VW Kombi, stripped the insides out and

gradually turned it into a comfortable campervan.

They thoroughly enjoyed their project!

And in it they had many an interesting and adventurous excursion in their van.

Moral:  If you can’t afford what you’d ideally like, find a way to “do/have it” anyway –

in a manner that you can afford!

I’ve done lots that I wanted to do – in a manner that I could afford

in terms of time, talent and means!

I’m grateful.

So, I hope I’ve increasingly achieved a more and more equitable balance

between meeting the needs of others, and my own as well.

I’ve had to determine my honest and realistic circle of interest, and concern.

I simply can’t do and be all things to all people.

I’m grateful for my life.

I love living in these abundant and exciting days!

I regret few choices I have made through the years.

I’ve forgiven myself for what I could not know/do when I needed to know/do it.

I’ve forgiven others for not being able to be/do what I thought they could be/do.

When I have known better, most of the time I’ve done better.

I’ve changed what I can.

I’ve let go of trying to change anyone else.

I’ve discovered it’s important to mind (take care of) my own business (life and choices)

and let others mind (take care of, or not) their business.

I can appreciate myself and them for who we are each able to be –

Unique and individual, special and irreplaceable.

 “If there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report or praiseworthy, 

I seek after those things.”

There’s plenty in and around all of us to find.

Who/What do you put yourself out for?

Is it good for you?  Them?

I love you!

Mom / Judy / Gran Judy

What/Who Comforts Me When I Need Comfort?

Sunday Afternoon – June 21^st 2020

This has been a week when the days blurred into each other.

We enjoyed Father’s Day having lunch with Doug, Nadia and family.  Thank you!

What/who comforts me when I need comfort?  How can I ask for help when I need it?

I’ve learnt to give myself what I need.

I’m going to the chiropractor – again – I’m hopeful to feel more comfortable soon!

I’m going to have a reflexology session on Friday.

I feel like some hands-on might be comforting to me.

Reading the scriptures comforts me.  

I’m reading in Moroni in the Book of Mormon and the Epistle of James in the Bible.  

There’s much that reminds me there of how I want to live my life.

Learning comforts me – it either confirms what I know already or it adds to what I know.

Knowing my children and grandchildren are living their lives comforts me.

Walking out in the garden comforts me.

Walking in the Botanic Garden comforts me.

My daily bath comforts me greatly.

Being warm comforts me.

Weighless comforts me.

What’s the difference between comfort and satisfaction?

Hmmm…

Comfort - the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of distress or grief.

Satisfaction - fulfilment of one's wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this.

Getting done what needs to be done comforts me, or does it satisfy me?

Both.

And I figure out sooner or later who/what will help me, and I get it, give it to myself...

Or, I have been able to so far…

May it ever continue to be so…

Thank God for the compassionate ones of the world…

And… may we become among them…

What comforts you when you need comfort?

How can you ask for help when you need it?

Remember always - I love you!  Forever!

Mom / Judy / Gran Judy

What/Who Do I Want More Of?

Sunday Afternoon – June 14^th 2020

It’s been a WEEK!

COLD! And full of unexpected as well as usual experiences.

I’m grateful for the quiet of this afternoon –

And the sun in our spare room!

Angela’s birthday on Friday.  Jarom’s 20^th birthday tomorrow.

I’m glad to have these two people in my life.

And a whole lot of other family and friend’s birthdays too!

I’m glad to have you and them all in my life.

Vincent draws to the end of his mission, Ethan approaches the start of his.

I’m very aware again that we have no idea what any day actually holds for us.

Life can change in an instant!  Suddenly!

A drunk truck-driver was driving down a highway this week and ploughed into two busses and a mini-bus taxi. Eight people lost their lives…

And so quickly many lives are affected – drastically.

I’m grateful for Tender Mercies.

I’m grateful for each day spent in relationship with those I love and care about.

I think my life is about balancing and re-balancing regularly.

Who or what do I have too much of?  Or too little of?

Is what I want good for me or not?

Is there anything I can do about it?

Who might be able to help me?

Who might I be able to help?

And so we all go on, one day at a time, one week at a time…

This is what I really want more of:

More holiness give me,

More strivings within,

   More patience in suff’ring,

   More sorrow for sin,

   More faith in my Savior,

   More sense of his care,

   More joy in his service,

   More purpose in prayer.

More gratitude give me,

More trust in the Lord,

   More pride in his glory,

   More hope in his word,

   More tears for his sorrows,

   More pain at his grief,

   More meekness in trial,

   More praise for relief.

More purity give me,

More strength to o’ercome,

   More freedom from earth-stains,

   More longing for home.

   More fit for the kingdom,

   More used would I be,

   More blessed and holy—

   More, Savior, like thee.

   This is where my mind has been focussed.

I’ve been pondering Personality Disordered Individuals (PDI)

I’m wondering if one of my clients is such a person, or if one or several around her are.

I’m wondering if it is “my business” and how to responsibly manage myself in her presence.

I don’t often deal with deeply personality-disturbed people.

I hauled out my book about Personality Disorders to have a thoughtful read again.

It was published in 2007.  I read it in 2008.

It was hugely helpful to me when I came across his perspective.

I don’t entirely agree with what he proposes…

And I can also see why he proposes what he proposes…

I need to research this topic some more.

People are so interesting!  So individual!  So complex! 

We’re all so in need of intelligent compassion and consideration.

What can I do?  What ought I not to do?

So – that’s what I need more of at the moment.

I’ve wanted more chocolate this week!

And that’s not always good for me!  I continue learning about myself…

And so, on I go… balancing and re-balancing who/what I want more of,

And discerning who/what is good for me or not…

How do you handle these questions in your life?

I love you!

Thank you for being among those I call mine.

Mom/Judy/Gran Judy

Changes I've Made That I Am Proud Of

Sunday afternoon – June 7^th 2020 – Changes I’m Proud Of

It’s been a week of attending to medical and physical issues and resting - lots.

On Monday I finally phoned the chiropractor. 

During our settling in when we moved back I developed a sore back.

First it was “So much to do…”

Then I phoned the chiropractor – “He’s closed already for the year…”

I found another close to home.

And in two visits he couldn’t attend to the trouble spot.

And - he was too rough for me to go back.

Then it was lock-down…

So I’ve needed to lie down and rest… a lot on some days… to manage my discomfort.

And this week of level 3 lock-down starting “It’s time…!”

I phoned the chiropractor I’ve been going to for years.

Yes, he’s working again.

“Bring your own gown.  We’re not allowed to give out gowns here at the moment.”

So I visited on Monday.  He got the spot.

I still needed lots of rest though.

And again on Thursday I made the 12km trip to Blackheath again.

I’m enjoying daily-increasing ease.

What a relief!

And…  a sty has formed again…  I had a host of them in 2019 in KZN.  nuisance…

And Glenn’s been visiting doctors too – three visits this week.

He phoned the diabetic doctor – she couldn’t see him until the middle of the week.

So he phoned the GP.  He could see him on Monday.

He saw his GP again later in the week for a follow-up appointment.

And in the middle of the week he visited the diabetic doctor.

We hope all visits prove to be helpful…

Hopefully he’ll also find his way to more comfortable physical functioning.

We’re fearfully and wonderfully “made” aren’t we!

I’m grateful for Doctors when we need them!

I’m grateful for every day of more comfortable getting around

and doing what I want to do and need to do.

What changes have I made that I’m proud of? 

How/in what way was it hard/easy to change?

I feel like I’ve always wanted to be better and wiser.

Less wasting my time, more relishing and cherishing each day.

I’ve felt like an adventurer, an explorer in a way.

I feel I’m on a hero’s journey with all its vicissitudes.

But, on the other hand I want to enjoy the journey too…

I want to go at a pace I want to go, and have some fun too.

Well, what I call fun…  I like to read and learn every day.

And pause to wonder and wander along the way.

Appreciate the light and gorgeous colours of the day,

and the wonderful textures and dancing shadows…

When I wake up in the morning and open the curtains I say “Hello Day!”

I’m grateful for my life. 

I love living now. 

I’m glad to be able to find out many things I want to know.

I’m amazed to be so fortunate in my life. 

I want to use my personal gifts and talents to help others along as I’m able.

I’m thankful for those brave, wise and generous souls who’ve walked alongside me when I needed them, and known how to lift and enlighten me momentarily, and sensed when to withdraw and let me carry on learning in my own way, and living my life.

If I have to choose the one change I’ve made that I’m proud of…  It’s the progress in myself I am aware of by daily dipping into the Addiction Recovery Program material.  I’m aware of the inner journey I’ve been able to be a part of.  I’m grateful for the honesty and vulnerability of those who compiled the material.  I’ve valued the few opportunities I’ve had to attend recovery meetings. 

Has it been hard… or easy? Neither really.  It just felt like it “fit” me in so many ways I couldn’t put into words.  I’ve just chosen to continuously reflect on the outlined principles, and worked at it a paragraph or two at a time almost every day since 2006.  Better later in my life than never!

As I reflect on my one individual life I get to live, and love to live, I’m reminded of the poem “One Solitary Life.”  I’m glad for His Solitary Life lived to His end with integrity.  I choose to be His disciple.  I hope I’ll be able to live my one precious life with increasing integrity.  I feel like I’m making progress…

And thank you Mother Teresa for reminding me how I want to live my one precious life for as long as I am able…  And I don’t really want to be in the lime-light.  And perhaps if I wasn't I might want to be…  How individual, interesting and complex we each are!  

What changes have you made that your're proud of?

I love you!

Mom / Judy / Gran Judy

Hermann Karl Hesse (2 July 1877 – 9 August 1962) was a German-born Swiss poet, novelist, and painter. His best-known works include his explorations of an individual's search for authenticity, self-knowledge and spirituality. In 1946, he received the Nobel Prize in Literature.

Vicissitudes: unpredictable changes or variations that keep occurring in life, fortune, etc; shifting circumstances; ups and downs.

https://addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org/bc/content/arp/content/manuals/ARPGuide_English_36764.pdf

James Allan Francis was an early-twentieth century American pastor who authored a handful of books.

He is also the “anonymous” author who stands behind the famous poem, “One Solitary Life.” 

Mother Mary Teresa Bojaxhiu (26 August 1910 – 5 September 1997), honoured in the Catholic Church as Saint Teresa of Calcutta, was an Albanian-Indian Roman Catholic nun and missionary. She was born in Skopje (now the capital of North Macedonia), then part of the Ottoman Empire. After living in Skopje for eighteen years, she moved to Ireland and then to India, where she lived for most of her life.

Talking to Your Child