Book - Mending the Broken Bond

I got this book in 2010.

I read a little and got distracted.

 

I picked it up a few months ago and read it thoroughly.

I recommend it - even if the bonds are not broken yet.

Prevention and maintenance is very important.

Some quotes I liked from the book:

"You do not have to be perfect.  You only have to give it your best effort."

"...our greatest hope for long-term survival as a species lies in cooperation between individuals."

"As a parent your job is not to vent; it is to teach your child how to respond to adversity in a positive manner."

"... encourage your child's creativity and individuality."

"...even the most talented and brilliant people need to work with others to get the most out of their labours."

"... adults reduce the symptoms of stress (in their children) by singing and humming."

"The best way to calm a child... the child should be instructed to focus on her body by slowing breathing patterns, stretching, and relaxing the legs, arms and hands.  Relax the body first, the mind will follow."

"... you must teach your child to manage both high and low energy levels in a constructive manner."

"... your self-control.  Parents teach mostly by example, whether they are aware of the process or not... learning self-control is a life-long process for most people..."

"... learn to pick up on not just what is said but also subtle cues including tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions."

"Confused emotions lead to confused behaviour."

"... resist all parental impulses to try and 'fix' the situation."

"... the important thing is that you are relating to your child instead of dictating."

"Children are mysteries, just as we all are."

"... what can be done to restore calm and security."

"It just doesn't dawn on many parents that they are playing with the minds and emotions of their children when they withhold approval."

""Too many parent-child relationships suffer from a lack of loving bonds.  Practicing forgiveness can build and heal those bonds.  It starts with the parent modelling benevolence and generosity of spirit."

"Forgiveness is the removal of fear and anger around the injury... It is not a lobotomy.  The memory remains."

"The teen years bring challenges and stresses that test the strongest, most loving family relationships."

"Parents need to understand that teens are often highly emotional, not because they are bad kids or hyperactive but because their hormones are in an uproar."

"... (in teens) there is the volatile blend of inflated levels of self-confidence and poor risk-assessment capability."

"Don't overreact, scream or moralize
  Don't excuse or condone...
  Don't blame yourself or let your child blame you
  Don't strike deals or bribe...
  Don't accept the excuse that 'they all do it'
  Don't make threats you don't intend to carry out"

"...create a relaxed environment..."

"...look your teen in the eye..."

"Your teen will make mistakes and misjudgements.  Count on it.  Know it is coming.  Guide them.  Love them.  Listen to them.  Support them.  Forgive them.  And encourage them."

"The human spirit has incredible self-healing powers.  I have seen people rally and recover..."


Thanks Frank Lawlis - I closed the book feeling  comforted, encouraged and determined to carry on my part of the work of mending my strained and broken bonds with added clarity and purposefulness.