After cuddling a while with Glenn - he is/was also awake... he will go back to sleep - I know I won't...
...I came to our spare room.
The spare room is my "space."
I iron in here. I hand-sew in here.
There is wonderful light in here.
It's also a place I get busy on what I want to do, and just close the door if I need to do something else.
My refuge.
The space where I think...
And BE...
It's usually the place I cry when I need a good cry.
(Not so often any more...)
Some people get angry, some get aggressive, some slump into withdrawal or sullenness... I cry.
Crying helps me get to the point that I can figure "it" out, "let go," "forgive," (self and others) and reach "get over it" when I need to.
I live by...
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
And sometimes...
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I don't want to change,
Courage to change the things I want to,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
(Don't want to change - ever... or don't want to change, now.)
I also like "It's your life... live it well." TV's Judge Judy.
And adapted... "It's my life... I'll live it well."
I usually study here, write in my journal, and read one of my four library books (the other three books are in the living area, the one (of two) bathroom, and next to my bed.)
My clothes are in here - there is not enough cupboard space in our room.
I prefer these cupboards to our room cupboards.
I do my hair and make-up in here.
The first thing I do when I come here in the morning is open the curtains.
I absolutely love light, daylight.
I want as much as possible.
Sometimes I just fling the curtains open,
sometimes I inch them across quietly so as not to disturb Glenn in our room.
I'm glad I opened them this early morning - the moon is beautiful.
I came here this morning thinking, thinking, thinking of my parenting of my adult children.
I don't know "how to do" that.
How do you do that?!
Where do you learn that?!
I just do the best I can every day, every week.
Come to think of it...
I didn't know "how to" parent my younger children either!
I was more often very, very clear of how I didn't want to do it!
I learnt what I could along the way.
I put into practice what felt good, true and useful to me and them from the sources I searched for.
These are some of the things I'm glad I did with my parenting of my younger children.
I'm glad I loved them.
I really loved them as best I knew how.
I'm glad each of them came to me.
I'm glad I felt responsible for and to them.
I'm glad I did my best to protect them.
I'm glad I advocated for them as much as I knew about.
I'm glad I stood up for them, at home, at school, at church, in the extended family.
I'm glad I was not intimidated by them.
I'm glad we walked... and talked.
I'm glad we did the things we did together.
I'm glad we took drives as a family on public holidays.
I'm glad we went on an annual holiday - most years.
I'm glad I saw each of them as an individual as much as I did.
I'm glad I let them try as many things as I could let them try.
I'm glad I didn't boy-girl young-and-immature stereotype them.
I'm glad I learnt lessons in many aspects with them.
I'm glad I learnt from them.
I'm glad I did the best I could.
I'm glad for the good memories I have with each of them.
Of course I have regrets...
I'm sorry I wasn't more talk-to-able.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more than I could be at each given moment.
I'm sorry for being insensitive when I was.
I'm sorry I didn't know more than I knew about parenting each of them.
I'm sorry for anything that harmed them rather than helped them.
I choose to think back on the good times we had.
I choose to renew my commitment to parenting my adult children as well as I know how.
I hope we will make memories now, when we can, that will sustain us in our tougher times ahead.
There are always tough times ahead, as well as the lovely times to come!
Some memories I cherish with my adult children:
Talking together.
Walking together.
Being together.
Doing things together.
Learning together.
Sharing together.
I love being with them when I can.
I love watching them.
I love talking with them.
I admire so much in each of them.
I love what/who they are becoming.
I continue learning from each of them.
I'm glad I'm not more dependent than I am on any of them.
I'm glad for the extent to which they can love and appreciate me.
I'm glad they are my adult children.
I'm glad they are not more dependent on me than they are.
I hope for better times between us.
I hope for more compassion with each other.
I hope for more understanding of each other.
I hope for more mutual toleration and respect for each other.
I hope for more mutual support of each other.
I hope for more acceptance of each other.
I hope for good memories in the time we might still have together.
I know - one day this time together will be over.
I hope we will be glad for what we did and said in the time we had together.
I hope we'll be glad for what we didn't do and say in the time we had together.
I hope we'll look back and be glad for how we spent our time together.
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