What Can I Change So I'll Be Happier?

 

What can I change to be happier?  How can I make my every day happier?

Now these are some more interesting questions to consider!

(When I compiled these questions last year I never dreamt how thought-provoking, soul-searching  and useful I would find them...)

What comes immediately to mind is:

Paint the garden walls?

I'm getting myself ready to do that.

I need to mull over what I want to do to be sure it is what I want to do.

I also give myself time so I find the most efficient and pleasing way for me to do "it."

So far I figure if I do one set of panels a painting session, I'll enjoy doing the job.

I reckon it'll take me about a month to do them all.

And it won't get too tired per day.

And I won't get too hot - I'll choose a cooler time of the day to do my one set of panels.

And the paint brush and roller won't get too yucky to clean.

Give away more "things?"

Each week I give away a few more things.

Tidy the spare-room storeroom?

I'm pondering on that...

It has too many things in it.

The roof also has a leak so at the moment there are things on the floor to catch the drips until the leak is attended to - not quite sure how to do it yet... 

I have a tentative plan so far.  It will get done.

Find or have made/make more summer pants?

I know what I want.  I know what I need.

I can't find it in the shops I've been to.

So - I'm about to go to the fabric shop and see if I can find what I want.

I'll either make them myself or find someone to make them for me.

I haven't decided that yet.

Be more diligent with my house-keeping/home maintenance?

(It's easier for me to keep a home tidy enough and sufficiently maintained 

than to remedy neglected states.)

(And going about it steadily spreads the cost more evenly...  

I think it costs less to keep maintained than to rehabilitate...) 

Actually I found my card system for Side-tracked Home Executives (SHE) 

and am happily using them again. 

I find I'm also influenced by FLYlady so I'm adding some of those terms on my cards.  These systems work for me!  They help me keep myself a little more organized.  

I'm naturally not organized.  

Actually, I'm organized in my own way - which looks to other people like not organized... 

And also, to me "People are More Important than Things."  

So - often the people in my life, me included, are prioritized.  

So already I feel more cheerful these last few back-achey days of this back-achey year.

(What IS that all about????)

I'm generally content and peaceful.  

I flow as much as I can - let as few things bother me as I can.

So... onward, ever onward.

One day at a time.

What can you change to be happier?

And - How can you make your every day happier?

What Do I Appreciate About My Parents/Ancestors?

A little I know and share about my ancestors...

I appreciate that they did the best they could.

I know some stories about them.

I'm grateful to my parents, Kenneth and Philippa, for telling me what they knew about them. 

I'm grateful too to seldom seen uncles and aunts for sharing family stories.

My Mother's mother, Ethel, the grandmother I knew, was a stoic figure.

She lived in Cape Town.  I saw her infrequently.

She died when I was 16.

My mother's father, Richard, died when she was 7.

She and her three older sisters, Dorothy, Marjorie and Ruth, were raised by their widowed mother.

My father's father, Kenneth, died when he was 11.

His mother, Winifred, died when he was 17.

His two older sisters, Pixie and Betty, left school to support him so that he could finish school.

When my Dad was 17 the second World War broke out.

His eldest sister Pixie's either boyfriend or husband by that time, Uncle Paul, mentored him into joining the South African Navy. 

My parents married in 1943, during the war.

I was born in  Cape Town in 1945, at the end of the Second World War.

I am the eldest of their five children.

A little about my parents...

My father and mother also did the best they could...

I knew they loved me.

My Dad enjoyed a successful career in the motor industry and then moved into administration leadership in the newly established Church offices in South Africa.

I loved my Dad.

He was able to communicate with me in ways that were meaningful to me.

Three valuable things I learn from him: dutifulness, excellence and enjoying our country.

My mother was a crusading stay-at-home Mom.

She was an active member of the communities we lived in.

My Mom and I saw many things differently.

Three valuable things I learnt from her: loyalty, patriotism and the complexities of right and wrong.

And - What legacy am I building every day?

Oh my...

I don't know...

I know what I hope I am building.

I hope my husband knows I love him and I try to be a help meet for him.

I hope my children know that I love them enough to loosen the apron strings.  

I love them unconditionally - though I might not like all the decisions they make.

I hope they know I look for the good in them.

I hope they know I respect them and cheer them on.

And I respect their agency to live their lives as they choose.

I hope they know I did the best I could when I was raising them.

I hope they know I enjoy my every-day life, and when it's hard, that I find something to enjoy every day.

I hope they know that I'm still doing the best I can.

I hope my grandchildren and great-grandchildren also know these things about me.

I hope this is a legacy they find useful to them as they proceed with their lives.

And - What do you appreciate about your parents and ancestors?

What legacy are you building every day?

What Do I "See" Now That I Didn't "See" Before?

CHOICES... every day.

 I see many things now that I didn't see before.  More in myself, in others and in the world.

I see that very few things in life really matter to me.

I see that each day gone is gone forever.

I see that enjoying as much of my every-day life as I can is important to me.

I see that I want to live in such a way that I have as few regrets as possible when I die.

I see I want to be comfortable in my own skin.

I see I want to be myself, my best self, as much as I can.

I see I love and appreciate my husband as much as I can.

I see I love and appreciate each of my children as much as I can.

I see I love my grandchildren and great-grandchildren as much as I can.

I see my siblings are important to me.

I see the preciousness of my good friends.

I see more of the unveiled ugliness, brazenness and harshness of life in and around me.

I see more of the real beauty, valiance and goodness of life in and around me.

I see the importance of living my own life and allowing others to live their own lives.

I see living a good and Godly life is important to me.

I see comfort, contentment, compassion and composure are important to me.

I see faith, commitment, wisdom and courage are qualities I cultivate.

I see physical, mental, spiritual and social health is important to me.

I see I love this world in all its variety and splendour.

I see value in cultivating a vegetable garden.  I'm learning a lot.

I see that adding value each day is what I do.

I see "A nice quiet life" is what I strive for.

In what ways am I wiser/poorer for seeing?

Well, I hope I'm wiser!

I feel wiser.

I feel more content, more patient.

What do you see now that you didn't see before?

In what ways are you wiser/poorer for seeing now?

What gift do I really, truly desire?

Interesting Question...  And Singular...

Well, right now...  Perhaps the gift of my back, hip being sorted out?  

My back's been bothering me since we got home almost a year ago.

I think I unsettled it some time either on the journey home, or in settling down here again.

I've been to the kinesiologist, that didn't sort it, though my visit was comforting.

Then, during the December holidays I phoned the chiropractor I used to go to before we left.  

He was already on holiday for the Christmas/New Year three/four weeks.

I phoned a very local chiropractor and visited twice.  His massage machine

was too rough on my poor aching back.  

I decided not to go back for any more treatments.

I had to rest, flat on my back, early afternoon each day to be able to make it through the day.

I can do what I have to do... so that was not very inconvenient...

I continued to think about what to do and pray about my back.

Then stage five lock-down happened.  

My resting every day, thinking and praying about my back continued.

As lock-down eased I phoned the chiropractor I used to go to again.

He was practicing again.

I went a couple of times.  His treatments felt too soft to attend to the problem.

I stopped going again... continuing to rest every day, think, and pray about my back.

Then Glenn had some kidney stone problems.

I had to take him to the Medgate Centre for some Covid 19 tests before 

being admitted to hospital for surgical blasting of the stone.

I saw a chiropractor sign there.

After thinking some more and praying about it, I made an appointment with him.

I went there three times.

Only on the third visit, when I said this was the last time I was coming did he 

manage to attend to the breath-catching wearying aching spot in my back.

Why did I decide I wasn't going back there?

I don't know how to describe it...

In my training we discussed "potency" of the practitioner.

I felt like I was more use to the chiropractor in terms of potency than he was to me.

I felt like I was more use to him than he was to me.

I felt like I was not sufficiently satisfied with the "return on my investment" 

of submitting my body to his treatment, my time and my money.  

I'm not sure how to articulate it...

I feel like I answered more of his questions than he attended to my need/s.

Anyway... He said "You need to invest in your back-health" on my final visit.

I though that was an odd thing to say...

I thought "Maybe he is right?  Maybe I am being too hasty?"  

After postponing a further appointment twice to be surer in myself

I phoned and said I was definitely not going back.

I continued to rest every day to make it through the day, think about what to do,

and pray about my wearying, aching, breath-catching "back situation." 

Is it psychosomatic?

Is it metaphysical?

Is it physical?

What do I need to learn?

What do I need to do?

Do I need to change anything?

Is this it?

Do I need to live like this for the rest of my life?

Why am I in 'The School of Pain' again?

Who do I need to meet?

Who needs to meet me?

Where do you want me to go dear Lord?

What do you want me to do?

I think I go about my life a lot on instinct? Inspiration?  Experience? 

I live each day in contented, peaceful, cautious confidence.

Does that make sense?

I try to be aware at multi-levels of my being - physical, emotional, 

spiritual, financial, capacity, social, delight, weather, safety, comfort etc.

Anyway...

Comes Spring 2020...  And the need to dig in the garden.

My relatively unstable left hip nagged at me.

It has bothered me mostly on, and sometimes off, since I slipped 

on some wet polished steps when I was a young missionary.

"I really need to do something about this!"

So I searched on the internet for a chiropractor.

Why not...  I like to solve my problems... for a time, if not for good.

I felt impressed to contact a man at May Clinic, fairly nearby.

I've been three times so far.

This has been chiropractics like I've not experienced before.

He's sorted out my shoulder problem from falling down the stairs at the Temple.

He's correcting my posture.  

Relearning is uncomfortable as well as encouraging.

I realise I've compensated and compensated to be as comfortable as possible.

He said I might be in more pain along the way... 

Well, I have been since my third treatment last Friday.

I feel light-headed and off-balance.  Maybe twisted?

I go again tomorrow.

I'm hopeful...  I continue in hope.  Faith in every footstep.

If I have to live my life with little or no improvement, well, I can.

I understand why people use walking sticks...

If I have to, I will.

But, there you are... that's the gift (singular) I really truly desire right now...

For the rest of my life... I am truly blessed.

And what I can't change, is not mine to change, I leave in God's hands.

He can do His will.

I'll be content to live my life for Him, doing the best I can every day.

Is this a gift I need to give myself?

I'm doing the best I can to give it to myself - with others' help.

How can I be ready to receive this gift?

By being open to receiving it?

By co-operating with the chiropractor?

By being as sensible and healthy as I possibly can?

By making the investment of my time, money and willingness, my trust in the process?

By not giving up?

By visiting Amanzimtoti!

Yes!  We're due to visit there when we're able to book at Stella Maris...

Maybe I'll sleep now...

And... What do you really, truly desire?

What Do I Really Truly Believe?

I think I'm an odd one...

Here's the definition of "believe:"

"verb (used without object), 

to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so: 

Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully."

I guess... since I act purposefully I believe more than I thought I did?

This much I know - There's little that I know...

(Sometimes I listen to others who "know" this and that... and wonder if I am missing something?)  

And yet - I prefer to be me, and trust what I know.

Somehow or other I know I am a Daughter of God.

I know He knows about me.

I know that my life is worthwhile to me.

I hope it is worthwhile to Him and to others in my daily life, wherever I am.

I know I am a Disciple of Jesus the Christ.

I know I am who I am, and I am not who I am not.

I frequently know I'm glad I was not a pioneer.

And that's about it...

For all the rest - I'll "bloom where I am planted."

And I'm pretty sure I'd bloom wherever I was planted.

If I don't like where I am planted, and if I possibly can, decently, I'll transplant myself somehow or other, sooner or later.

Life's short... Sometimes shorter than we can possibly imagine!

I know that life can change in an instant, suddenly.

I knew that for sure when I sat waiting for a red robot to change and saw a car coming in the lane across the median from my left, enter the slip way for him to turn left.  He was going too fast.   He flipped and landed on the waiting cars at the red robot opposite me in the other far lane!  He's flown over two empty lanes to land on cars in the far of the other two lanes!  (That image is still so vividly clear in my mind...) 

Well... that's the moment I KNEW for sure that life could change in an instant!

And - you, my reader, might still be completely oblivious of how your life could be about to forever change!

And - you might be totally innocent!

I was on my way to the Temple in Johannesburg.

When I got there I put on the prayer roll "All those involved in the accident I just saw."

I had the message confirmed when waiting at another robot a while later.  I had the most peaceful feeling wash over me, like, flood through me.  After the robot for me changed to red and the cars in two lanes opposite right of me stopped, I edged forward to turn to my right onto the motorway before the light turned green for the cars on my left to go.  There were three lanes across from me, and three oncoming lanes.  The right turning lane for them was empty and the other two lanes were filled with stopped cars.  According to witness reports afterwards, as I turned to my right, an oncoming double cab pick-up with three unstrapped children in the back switched lanes from his far left, to his far right (right-turn-only) lane and flew straight through the intersection (red light for him) and crashed into the passenger side of my husband's three-month new car that I was driving!  My husband's car was a right-off.  Fortunately the car I was driving was a Citroen C5 otherwise I would have been very seriously injured rather than moderately injured.  

Yep... life can change in an instant. 

So - what do I really, truly believe that moves me to act purposefully every day?

I believe that life is worthwhile.

I believe that I am unique, special and irreplaceable.

I believe everyone else is too.

I believe the earth, and caring for it, is important.

I believe that being your best self is important.

I believe that family is important - though it is always less than most of us would wish.

I believe we have much to learn about ourselves and others in our family relationships.

I believe that physical, spiritual and mental health is important.

I believe that freedom is important.

I believe that right and wrong is important.

I believe that patriotism is important.

I believe that promises are important.

I believe that marriage contracts, vows and covenants are important.

I believe that children are important.

I believe that if you have a child you are responsible for that child.

I believe that parenting your own children is important - If it is is any way possible.

If it is not possible to raise your own child, I believe you have a responsibility to make decisions in the best interest of the child.

I believe that a child increasingly becomes responsible for the choices they make.

I believe that adding value of some sort, every day, is important.

I believe that being part of a good and worthwhile group is important.

I believe that working co-operatively in worthwhile causes is important.

I believe goodwill and civility are important.

I believe that learning is important.

I believe that learning from others is important.

I believe that learning from our own experience is important.

I believe that enjoying something every day is important.

I believe that considering "Where will this lead?" is important.

I believe that every choice we make is important.

I believe every choice we make may need to be accounted for sometime in the future.

I believe that choosing is important.

What I believe is well expressed in the 13th Article of Faith I profess:

I believe in being honest, true (trustworthy,) chaste, benevolent and virtuous, and in doing good to all men.  I follow (as best I can) the admonition of Paul (my favourite in the New Testament.)  I believe all (good, true and useful) things, I hope all (good, true and useful) things, I have endured many things (thankfully, not many other things I know about,)  and I hope to be able to endure all the things (that will be mine to endure in the future.)  If there is ANYTHING virtuous, lovely of good report or praiseworthy, I SEEK after THESE things. (emphasis added)

I'm very grateful for those who have gifts and talents differing to mine.  I'm very grateful for those who choose to do the "tough stuff" in life - lawyers, police, emergency personnel, defense forces, politicians.  I'm very grateful for Bishops, Stake and Area Presidents, General Authorities. 

And so I go on - one day at a time - doing my best (most of the time) in day-tight compartments.  And at the same time I really, truly believe that if/when I am prepared I shall not fear, I need not fear, whatever comes my way - knowing that I've done my best.  I can live those days ahead of me - whatever they bring - with dignity and grace being patient and honest with myself and others.

I believe I will stand before the pleasing bar of God one day and account for my one precious life.  I look forward to going and reporting on my living of my God-given life.

How did I come to believe this?

I'm not sure... I think by sifting and saving what feels good, true and useful to me from what has come my way?  This much I realise I prove all things and hold fast to that which feels good to me.  

What good, true and meaningful groups am I a part of?

I like the groups I am a part of.  If I didn't I'd change them.

This much I am sure of...

As far as I know I have one precious life to live.

I want to live it to the best of my ability.

I want to have as few regrets as possible.

I want to enjoy my every day, every week of my life.

My primary group I belong to is my family.

Other groups I've belonged to:

Past:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Relief Society

WeightWatchers

FAMSA (Family and Marriage Society of South Africa)

LifeLine West Rand

Randburg Horticultural Society

St Stithian's Choir

Roodepoort Garden Club

Boy Scouts of South Africa

Quadrille Quilters West Rand

A Pottery Group

An Art group

West Rand Photographical Society

Tai Chi at the Gardens

U3A - University of the Third Age 

Present:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Relief Society

WeighLess

Tai Chi at the Gardens

Now with the internet I belong to several facebook groups that bring me information - like:

Meridian Magazine

LDS Mental Health Support Group

I Love My Family

Time Out For Women

Come Unto Christ

TED

Livingseeds Veggie Gardeners

Tai Chi Connection

South African Depression and Anxiety Group

Happy Latter-day Saints

The FLYLady

BBC Earth

I Am LDS

SA People - For South Africans in South Africa and ex-pats

South Africa The Good News

Do I need to change anything?  

When I feel the need to change anything I will.  I do.

What and Who Cheers Me?

My family

My covenants

Nature – skies, earth, water, plants, birds

Some music

Some art

Some people

Colours

Some books

Some phone calls

My home

My car

Comfortable and attractive (to me) clothes

Healthy food

Walking

Tai Chi

My afternoon bath

Sociality of Saints

Some TV

Some facebook

Being warm enough when it is cold

Being me

Being quiet

Many things cheer me!

How can I cheer someone around me?

I hope I cheer others by being my best self.

By listening to them?

By noticing them?

By noticing what is good, true and worthwhile about them?