(an exercise in dialogue for my writing group.)
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“Gonnatjie Piet!” muttered Judith under her breath.
Judy quietly got along with the work of clearing clutter
on the back seat of her car.
She placed her bag on the floor, her file on the seat,
lowered herself into the driver’s seat and we were off to Weight Watchers this
crisp Friday morning.
“I don’t want to go!” Judaline whimpered.
“It’s time…“ Edie murmured.
“Time for reckoning,” agreed Judith firmly.
Judy turned on the car radio for some distraction during
the journey.
“My favourite programme at this time of the morning…
Radio Pulpit.”
“Morning.” Judy
mouthed noiselessly as she walked into the group attentively listening to
Laurie the new young Weight Watchers leader. She
pulled a chair quietly from the table
against the wall, turned it around and joined the group.
“It’s all about the points. You can eat anything you want as long as you
stay within your points. I have a
challenge at four o’clock in the afternoon.
I reach for…” Judy’s mind
wandered…
“I reach for raisins…” Judy thought.
“No you don’t! You
reach for choc chip cookies!” Judith interrupted.
“But I love them!
They are my weakness! I can’t
resist them! I need their comfort at
that time of the afternoon. I enjoy the crunch,
the sweetness.” moaned Judaline pitifully. “In any case – I want them. I can reach them. I will have as many as I like.” She continued, her voice shifting and transforming
into petulant rebellion.
Laurie said “What do you reach for in the afternoon?” as
her beautiful clear blue eyes glanced around the circle. They stopped on Judy. Laurie's eyes conveyed “You are the life-time
member here. Help us along…”
“I reach for raisins… or dates.” Judy mildly added to the group conversation. There were surprised looks from some, bemused
looks from others. Judy could almost see some
minds clicking and calculating “That’s so many points!” Judith, Judaline and Edie linked arms
supportively as Judy said her good-intention piece. “This used to be honest. It can be again…”
The weigh in…
“How are you doing Judith?” asked Laurie when Judy
approached the table. She had moved from
motivating mode to the now departing
group, to interested and concerned Weight Watchers leader talking to Judy
personally.
“Interesting that she calls me Judith.” Judy thinks.
“Actually I am Judith.”
Judith replies.
“Not well this month.”
Judy says to Laurie.
“Well, let’s see.”
Laurie clicks on the scale.
“It’s good!” she
exults.
“No it’s not.”
Judy says quietly. “See the
last figure from last month? There…”
“Oh yes. I was
looking at the previous figure… So… not
done so well this last month. Come next
week,” her lovely eyes urge. “Come every week while you get on track again…”
Laurie looks deep into Judy's eyes.
“I can’t be here early enough Friday mornings… I can only get here at nine.” Judy speaking frustratedly, her body twisting and her haunted frown deepening.
“I am here until nine thirty. Come.” Laurie still looking intently into Judy's
eyes – young beautiful blue eyes into Judy’s older blue eyes. Edie stirs.
Judy nods tentatively.
Judy walks thoughtfully and humbly out of the meeting
place.
“My life is unmanageable…
I can’t do it. He is offering
(again) to help. He can. I’ll let Him...” she recalls from her addiction recovery group…
“Is this my
moment of ultimate surrender?” Who is
that speaking…?
“Is there a moment of complete surrender? Is it not a continuous process of letting go and giving up what YOU want?” Who is that?
Judy notices Judaline is quiet in this part of the conversation.
“I know I can’t go home.
I am too fragile… I feel tearful.”
“Why do I do this to myself?”
“Because I can…”
“You know you are harming yourself… Why do you want to do that?”
“Where do you want to go?”
“To the Botanic Garden.
I want some peace and quiet. I
want a place I can cry remorsefully.”
“Watch your petrol budget… you’ve been driving a lot
these last few days.”
“You can use as much petrol money as you like!”
“Yes I can. But I
don’t want to.”
“That’s too far then.
Where…?”
“I just want some beauty, peace and quiet.”
“What about Constantia Park?”
“That’s on the way home.”
“The river runs through it. You know you need the sound of running water
at times like this.”
“It’s a beautiful place…”
“That will do.”
And they are off. They
drive the short distance. Onto the highway,
leave at the next off-ramp, take the slipway into Constantia Office Park. Over the humps. Through two stop streets. Away from the buildings. Away from humans.
“I wonder if the people who work here realise how
beautiful this is?”
“I don’t care. I
know how beautiful, how gloriously
beautiful it is.”
As Judy turns the last corner to where she will park beneath
the trees she takes a deep and thankful breath.
Her breath is also poignant and tender.
"This reminds me of Northern Ireland.
The green green green. Many, many
bitter-sweet memories of visiting Gillian and her family when they
lived in Northern Ireland. Oh, how I
miss the glory of Northern Ireland…”
The spring/early summer green of the leaves is stunning
and vivid with the morning sunshine filtering through the willows and other mature
trees surrounding the river park.
Judy stops and switch off her car.
“You wanted to cry.
Now’s your chance.”
“I want to read Habakkuk.
Radio pulpit was discussing it on the way to Weight Watchers. I want to read it again… now.”
“I love that I have the scriptures on my phone!”
“Remember your battery was low. Perhaps you won’t have enough battery
power. Remember how it used to run out
frequently when you relied on it for scriptures in the UK?”
“There are only three chapters… Perhaps it will be enough juice for now. You can watch the icon.”
Judy read.
“I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower,
and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I
am reproved.” 2:1 “I
will…”
“For the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the
glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.” 2:14 “Hasten
the Day!”
“But the Lord is in his holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before him.” 2:20 “Judy,
are you hearing that?!”
“O Lord, I have heard thy speech, and was afraid: O Lord, revive thy work in the midst of the
years, in the midst of the years make known; in wrath remember mercy.” 3:1 “Oh, yes, please…”
“Yet will I rejoice in the Lord. I will joy in the God of my salvation. 3:18 “I
want so to do that…”
The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet
like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon my high places…” 3:19 “”That’s
my deep desire…”
And so as inner peace increased within me, my voices and I left the cloister of my car
with the splendid views of the sunlight glistering through the gracefully
trailing willow branches.
“The sound of the water is so soothing.”
“It’s not as tidy as we left it last time we were here
with Daena and Cabryn.”
(On Mandela day this year Judy took two of her granddaughters Daena
(11) and Cabryn (9) and they did our at-least 67 minutes’ service here. They collected the litter at Constantia park,
bagged it and disposed of it. They left
the area pristine and sparkling. Then they
settled down and had a lovely picnic Judy had put together for them.)
“The breeze feels so lovely.”
“The warm sun is comforting.”
“Shall we walk across the river on the stepping stones?”
“Yes, lets!”
“Careful… oh…, the stones are firmly fixed.”
“Shall we sit here?”
“OK.”
“This seat is actually chilly. It shouldn’t be! It is wood!”
“Well it is. Let’s
walk some more. “
“Shall we walk over the bridge there? We haven’t been that far before.”
“Haven’t we? Didn’t
we go there when you were working here 14 years ago?”
“I don’t remember…
Anyway, let’s walk across the bridge.
It looks lovely.”
“Oh, (before we get as far as the bridge) here is a pond –
“
“With no water in it.
Why do they make this nice pond and not let it fill up with water. The water is just flowing in the one side and
flowing out the drain. Shouldn’t there
be some sort of valve that regulates the flow?
Why is this left like this?”
“I wonder why there are two parallel curved concrete walkways
around the pond?”
“There are four
pairs of these walkways around the pond.
I wonder who designed this?”
“I like them. Quirky. I like quirky.”
“Which one will I walk over? The left one or the right one?”
“It doesn’t matter.
Choose any one.”
“These look like they could carry the wheels of a car….but
the turning circle would not accommodate a car.
How would a car get here anyway?
The p[ath to here is not wide enough for a car.”
“Just walk, Judy.
Choose a bridge walkway and walk…”
“There, you did it!”
“I like the lines of the bridge over the river.”
I like the design of the whole water feature directing
the flow of the river all the way.”
“Kodak Moment! Let’s
take a photo! Let’s record this!”
Judy stopped and took a photo.
As she walked across the bridge:
“What’s that underneath my feet?” Look down…
“Bolt heads fixing each wooden beam. Nothing to worry about. Nice design!
Strong.”
Sometime along the bridge Judy's voices and entities flowed
into each other and we became one.
I enjoyed the warmth of the sunshine, the shade, the
breeze, the quiet, the sound of the water, the rustle of the leaves, the
trimmed shrubbery “I bet someone enjoyed doing this!” the sound of my meandering steps on hard and
soft underfoot.
I passed some walkers.
“Wow! Lovely colours
of trainers they are wearing!”
“Yes… I hope they are also enjoying the wonderful
surroundings.”
I make my way to my car.
I feel peaceful and appreciative, co-operative and
collaborative again.
Now I am in a state to go home.
“The next few months will be a time for vigilance and
diligence.”
“We can do it… We
have done it before.”
“We need to do it.
We promised ourselves this.”
“I’m in! Thanks
for this morning!”
“We will feel more joyful, peaceful, and be healed to a
greater extent as we work at this.”
“And we will go to Weight Watchers next week, and for as
long as it takes.”
“Yes we will.”
I'm going to make one of these my laptop wallpaper.
